Breaking: In stunning development, The White House has disclosed that the first meeting took place in May, 2017.
Experts believe this meeting set crucial tone affecting future relations.
Repetition of ceremonial behaviors from that time not advised.
The meeting took place in Pyongyang at a McDonalds with golden arches and the regular menu plus noodles and flaming duck.
The two parties gathered in a special salon with black upright chairs and red cushions, waiters in tux with white bow ties.
Mr. Trump provided chocolate cake plus promised a breathtaking announcement at first bite.
Then—suddenly—Kim Jong Un jumped in with his own surprise announcement, saying:
“You know, Mr. Trump, at any moment, we can clap you and your entire party, visiting here in Pyongyang, into one of our concentration camps.”
There came a “paralyzed little silence.”
The American party hung immobilized, mouths open over their plates.
General McMaster half rose from his seat and was told to sit down by General Mattis.
Kim Jong Un added:
“And we can get away with it! I mean, we have nothing to lose. Right?”
More silence—then a thunderclap of rowdy har har har from Kim and his companions, nearly deafening.
Ambassadors with years of experience in Korea have explained Trump must be prepared for Korean humor.
Not to be outdone, Trump immediately snapped his fingers and ordered a waiter to deliver two slabs of “the most beautiful chocolate cake you’ve ever seen.”
Kim quickly immersed himself into a slab.
Now it was Trump’s turn. “By the way, I do happen to have on hand nearby a Mother of All Bombs, a MOAB. In case it’s needed.”
The Korean entourage offered expressions that give meaning to phrases such as “the inscrutable Orient.”
Trump felt he was making progress. He added: “A MOAB is beyond a nose bleed.”
Kim Jong Un stopped eating.
Slowly, very slowly, he raised his right arm, a long forefinger unfurling to point at the ceiling.
Behind him came the sounds of automatic weapons loading.
Trump later said his mouth went dry around a bite of chocolate cake.
Again the long, hard har har har—more Korean humor.
But in the months following, all this celebration soured somewhat, with sanctions, missile tests, military exercises.
The terms “rocket man” and “dotard” emerged to spice international relations and boost war stocks.
300,000 Chinese troops moved on station to the North Korean border.
At this time, however, Mr. Trump’s chief of staff, General Kelly, has set out a new policy:
“This time no chocolate cake. We will be tougher. And we’ll have handy not just a MOAB but a FOAB and some baby AB's also—a nice little family, you might say.”