If Russia, seemingly behind poisonous attacks in the UK, wasn't bad enough! No, the Chinese are also rattling their sabres (not cyber ones) on the Green Island by stuffing their takeaways with deadly salt and sugar!
Chinese takeaway lovers who purchase their ready meals in supermarkets and restaurants have been warned that the food they are eating aint quite what they believe it is. Overdoses of sugar and salt in chop suey, egg noodles, salty doggy dishes, and other beloved meals, are just as dangerous as Russian attacks on ex-double agents!
One Chinese restaurant owner, WAN-KIN-DIK, an ex-Chinese double agent under Mao, (Name changed for legal reasons and the writer of this phenomenal spoof needed a quick 'rub down' after eating a bowl of spicy hot noodles from his establishment) gave the following interview to Jaggedone's CIA (Cockroach infiltration army) (plenty of them in Chinese takeaways too!) and here is his explanation about overdoses of salt and sugar in Chinese takeaways:
"Chinese takeaway velly good for you, many vegetlables, lice (!?), and tofu, not much slalt and slugar, we Chinese love living here in UK home of many splies, so why do we want to do like Lussians do?"
British PM,Teresa May, has warned her local Chinese takeaway to reduce all sugar and salt in her pot noodles otherwise they will be deported back to China with the noodles and replaced by a Bulgarian entrepreneur hoping to conquer the UK before Brexit; BOJO resigned immediately!