There were 218 spoof news stories published in July 2018. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.

Funny story: Barbie Loves Her New Incarnation

Barbie Loves Her New Incarnation

Meet Robotics Engineer Barbie, launched just last month. Gone are the high heels and elaborate outfits. Now Barbie wears sneakers and really loves them. "I'm almost 60 years old and into comfort," she has said, continuing, "jeans, a T shirt, and a...

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Funny story: Alarm Clock Stopped At 01:32

Alarm Clock Stopped At 01:32

An alarm clock owner in the Cambodian second-city of Battambang has told of how he awoke late this morning, after his normally-reliable alarm clock failed to wake him up at the normal agreed time. Moys Kenwood, 55, sets his gray-colored Tesco alar...

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Funny story: Ivanka Trump Will Start Selling Designer Cages for Border Kids

Ivanka Trump Will Start Selling Designer Cages for Border Kids

Trump Tower, NY Trump's daughter, Ivanka, who recently shuttered her clothing line because she was "too busy" (all the stores stopped selling it), announced that she will start the Ivanka Trump Designer Cage Co. "We just thought it was an idea who...

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Funny story: Rain Nearly Washed Town Away

Rain Nearly Washed Town Away

Freakish weather conditions in the Battambang area Thursday meant there was a damp start to the day for one Englishman living in the area. Moys Kenwood, 55, reported how he awoke to the sound of cats and dogs falling on the metallic roof of his ba...

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Funny story: Killer Bees Responsible For Butterfly Extinction

Killer Bees Responsible For Butterfly Extinction

A team of researchers has concluded that the fate of a species of butterfly was decided by a particularly aggressive type of Killer Bee. Research into the Emperor Penguin butterfly had told experts that the species was close to extinction, and, in...

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Funny story: Man Went To Tesco At 3am 'To See What It Would Be Like'

Man Went To Tesco At 3am 'To See What It Would Be Like'

A man with little better to do than visit supermarkets in the middle of the night, has recounted how he visited his local Tesco Superstore at 3am one morning - just to see what it would feel like! Moys Kenwood, 55, told of how, in September 2017,...

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Funny story: Game's Instructions Are Not Easy To Understand

Game's Instructions Are Not Easy To Understand

A children's memory game purchased in Bangkok but - crucially - made in China, contains a set of instructions that can only reasonably be described as 'bewildering' The game, Clever Friend by Dongba Toys, was bought at Tang Hua Seng by English tea...

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Funny story: Humanity’s last hope questions Eldritch Council's logic

Humanity’s last hope questions Eldritch Council's logic

Young man Darren Radthorp, recently discovered to be the reincarnation of the Saverine, defeater of Lord Ulmoch, has been reportedly questioning the logic of the great Eldritch Council which claims he must face a resurgent Ulmoch alone. “I mean,...

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Funny story: Millipede With 1,000 Legs Found

Millipede With 1,000 Legs Found

In the very first case of its kind, a man in Battambang has discovered a millipede that actually has what its name suggests it should have - 1,000 legs! Moys Kenwood, 55, was in his bathroom taking a dump, when a chance glance at the floor, mid-c...

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Funny story: The Beatles In 'Comeback' Shock

The Beatles In 'Comeback' Shock

There was amazing and exciting news for fans of The Beatles today when, in an impromptu press conference in Liverpool, Sir Paul McCartney proudly announced that the 'world's most influential band' is to make a comeback - with just him in it! Ther...

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Funny story: Game Of Thrones Peter Dinklage Dreams Of Growing Up

Game Of Thrones Peter Dinklage Dreams Of Growing Up

Actor Peter Dinklage, who plays Tyrion Lannister in the fantasy HBO drama 'Game of Thrones', has started to grow up, it has been reported. The one-time data processing clerk was born with achondroplasia, a common form of dwarfism, and, until as la...

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Funny story: Paul McCartney Cavern Club Gig A Wash-Out

Paul McCartney Cavern Club Gig A Wash-Out

It was to be the showbiz event of the year, but Sir Paul McCartney's one-off appearance at Liverpool's Cavern Club after a gap of more than 60 years last Thursday, fell flat when nobody turned up. The performance was ticket-only, and the superstar...

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Funny story: Trump Sees Ant-Man and Wasp Movie and Wants Scientists to Build Him a Super-Suit

Trump Sees Ant-Man and Wasp Movie and Wants Scientists to Build Him a Super-Suit

Mir-A-Lago, FL President Trump tweeted today that America's scientists are way behind where they should be. "Why haven't our scientists invented something like Ant-Man's little cars or an Iron Man suit like in the movies? I think, as President, I...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Sees an Angel and Friends and Family Have No Trouble Believing Him

Nashville Man Sees an Angel and Friends and Family Have No Trouble Believing Him

Early yesterday morning while taking his dog on a walk in the woods outside his house, 54-year-old Bert Holeman of Nashville, Tennessee, hardly expected to encounter an angel – but that's precisely what happened. “It was wild,” recounted Bert. “Th...

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Funny story: New Toothpaste Has Controversial Name

New Toothpaste Has Controversial Name

A new toothpaste that, it's been claimed, offers extraordinary and revolutionary dental health protection, is at the center of a war of words between dentists - over its name, KUNNY. The toothpaste, which has come through much stringent testing wi...

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Funny story: No "mutts" at the Butt Hutt

No "mutts" at the Butt Hutt

Hollywood, CA. - Is it pure greed or pure breed? Better be sure if you want to shop at this establishment. "They stopped me at the door and asked me if I had a current DNA profile for my dog. Are you kidding me? Sorry they said... no mutts allowed...

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Funny story: Stock Market Collapses

Stock Market Collapses

As an amazing run of poor luck continued on the Stock Market, traders were left facing 'total ruin' after high winds yesterday blew the stalls down. The 'early forecast' had been good, but squally showers mid-morning, and strong breezes coming fro...

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Funny story: It's Back! The Monobrow Leaves Men Gasping for it and more...

It's Back! The Monobrow Leaves Men Gasping for it and more...

Comely adult film star Felicity Fellatio admitted today that following rave reviews for her new look, she no longer resorted to electrolysis, plucking, shaving, creams or any form of depilation and claimed that men are loving it. Felicity spoke ex...

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Funny story: Batman is a lesbian!

Batman is a lesbian!

In the latest Batman US TV series it seems that several transgender, gay, and lesbian issues have been upgraded to adapt to modern times (apart from down south where Rednecks tend to be straight and only have John Wayne and Clint Eastwood as their he...

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Funny story: Stock Market Disaster

Stock Market Disaster

There was panic amongst traders and investors in all sectors this afternoon when, after a fairly steady opening, the Stock Market crashed. The market, comprising nine units selling a variety of clothing, footwear, housewares, cleaning products, fo...

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Funny story: TV Set Killed Man

TV Set Killed Man

Police in Fort Lauderdale say the death of a man in his seventies was caused by his TV set, and have charged the appliance with homicide. The man, Gordon Binfield, 74, had lived alone since his wife died in 1983, and, having few friends, rarely l...

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Funny story: Trump's dentures modified to avoid misspeaks

Trump's dentures modified to avoid misspeaks

As the perils of enunciation smacked in the face of President Trump at his press conference with President Putin in Russia, misspeak has now enhanced fake news as Donald's pet pieces of nomenclature for the imparting of data and official information.

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Funny story: Trump Combover Now UK's Most Requested Style At Hairdressing Salons

Trump Combover Now UK's Most Requested Style At Hairdressing Salons

There may have been protests last Friday in London and around the UK, but US President Donald Trump also has his admirers, as has been proven at hairdressing salons up and down the country, with haircuttists saying that the 'Trump combover' is the st...

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Funny story: Trump Not Sure About Whether He's Sure About Russia Or Not

Trump Not Sure About Whether He's Sure About Russia Or Not

In a frank and honest statement earlier today, President Trump has admitted that he isn't sure about whether or not he's sure about Russia's involvement, or non-involvement, in the Meddlinggate crisis. Mr Trump, looney, was speaking at a White Hou...

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Funny story: Ancient Vampire Who Yearns for Death Reviews Oceans 8

Ancient Vampire Who Yearns for Death Reviews Oceans 8

900 year old vampire Ardith Dartan, who wishes for nothing more than to finally be freed from his wretched existence, shared his thoughts about the latest film in the long running Oceans series. “I found the heist to be less interesting than the...

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Funny story: Astronomers discriminate against trans-Neptunian objects

Astronomers discriminate against trans-Neptunian objects

For years, astronomers have shown a preference for studying the eight main planets of the solar system, disregarding "almost everything beyond Uranus" as famous astronomer Edwin Hubble once said. Yet now, a new movement is aiming to overcome these...

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Funny story: Local Pie Thief located, killed in violent shootout

Local Pie Thief located, killed in violent shootout

After weeks of investigation local man Lawerance Oddert, father of three, was killed in a violent shootout with police after stealing a pie that was cooling on old Miss Tennanbaums window sill. The police first started suspecting Oddert when he refus...

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Funny story: Trump’s Wall Falling Down

Trump’s Wall Falling Down

In a few months, following Trump's removal from office, his border wall will also be removed. Drum roll! The committee for the Restoration of America is planning a four-day celebration to commemorate the takedown. While heads of state are eage...

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Funny story: Hull Fair Ghost Train Is Haunted

Hull Fair Ghost Train Is Haunted

A major attraction at the site of the largest travelling funfair in Europe is under the watchful eyes of ghostwatchers today, after an unexplained occurrence at Hull Fair. Hull Fair first appeared in the city in 1278, and then annually from 1293.

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Funny story: College Student Takes a Dump and Then Makes His Roommates Look at It

College Student Takes a Dump and Then Makes His Roommates Look at It

Cockland University. Roy Bunders, 20, took a dump so incredibly big last Thursday that he immediately felt the need to show it to his roommates. "I had just eaten at the cafeteria, and I felt the urgent need to go to the restroom," he said.

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Funny story: Experts Confirm Kim Jong-Un Once Adorable Asian Baby

Experts Confirm Kim Jong-Un Once Adorable Asian Baby

Earlier this morning, White House officials addressed the nation in a press conference and confirmed that Kim Jong-Un, leader of the most tyrannical government in the world, was once an adorable Asian baby. The shocking evidence disproves the commonl...

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Funny story: Man Answered Call From Caller Who Had Called Wrong Number

Man Answered Call From Caller Who Had Called Wrong Number

There was 'annoyance in the air' in East Yorkshire this morning, when a man answered his telephone, only to discover that the person who was calling had dialled his number by mistake, and had intended to call someone else. The man, Moys Kenwood, f...

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Funny story: Elon Musk's latest invention: a paedo sniffer

Elon Musk's latest invention: a paedo sniffer

The world of criminal investigation was cockahoop today after billionaire fish-faced eccentric Elon Musk revealed his latest invention. At a press conference, Musk wore one of his new prosthetic noses and was able to identify three members of the pre...

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Funny story: Tommy Robinson Band To Re-release 'I Shall Be Released'

Tommy Robinson Band To Re-release 'I Shall Be Released'

Tommy Robinson, the founder of the English Defence League, who is currently serving a 13-month prison sentence after being found guilty of contempt of court, has reformed his seventies punk band, and will release a new single tomorrow. The Tom Rob...

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Funny story: EastEnders Adam Woodyatt Changes Name To Ian Beale

EastEnders Adam Woodyatt Changes Name To Ian Beale

In a move which some will say was inevitable, the 'EastEnders' star Adam Woodyatt, who plays Ian Beale, has changed his name to Ian Beale. Woodyatt, or 'Beale', has played 'Ian' since the show was first aired in 1985, and has come to think of hims...

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Funny story: Man Produced Fart That Lasted About 25 Seconds

Man Produced Fart That Lasted About 25 Seconds

A teacher has told of how an enormous build-up of gas in his intestine led to him releasing a fart that lasted about 25 seconds. Moys Kenwood, 55, had been sitting at a computer, planning a lesson for about one hour, when he felt that he needed t...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Turns Down Manchester United Move As He Fucking Hates Them

Harry Maguire Turns Down Manchester United Move As He Fucking Hates Them

Harry Maguire, the Leicester City and England defender, has turned down the opportunity to join Manchester United, saying he fucking hates them. Maguire, 25, was born in Sheffield, and has always been a Sheffield United supporter. As such, there...

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Funny story: EastEnders Phil And Grant Team Up For Violent TV Series

EastEnders Phil And Grant Team Up For Violent TV Series

'EastEnders' brothers Phil and Grant Mitchell have been lined up to star in a new BBC drama show where the pair are constantly trying to seek out and kill fellow Albert Square resident Ian Beale, who has gone on the run. It's the first spin-off fr...

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Funny story: RSPCA Threat to Take Schrödinger's Cat Dead or Alive

RSPCA Threat to Take Schrödinger's Cat Dead or Alive

Renowned Austrian physicist Erwin Schrödinger was outraged this morning when he heard that RSPCA inspectors intended to raid his laboratory in an attempt to seize his cat, Tiddles, after allegations of animal cruelty. An exasperated Tiddles spoke...

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Funny story: Poldark fan angry to learn that her husband likes Demelza

Poldark fan angry to learn that her husband likes Demelza

Lorraine Johnson, like many people likes watching Poldark, for its intrigue, well drawn characters, scenery and easy on the eye cast was angered by the fact that her husband Gary only watches it for Demelza. 'Imagine my surprise' said Lorraine 'wh...

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Funny story: EastEnders Pair Are The Best Of Friends Offscreen

EastEnders Pair Are The Best Of Friends Offscreen

It's been reported that the onscreen rivalry between EastEnders actors Adam Woodyatt and Steve McFadden, who play Ian Beale and Phil Mitchell respectively, could not be further from the truth, and the two are the best of friends when filming is over.

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Funny story: Donald Trumps Pay Your Age Build a Wall Offer Falls Flat

Donald Trumps Pay Your Age Build a Wall Offer Falls Flat

POTUS Donald Trumps latest scheme to build a wall between the USA and Mexico has fallen flat after no one turned up. The hapless President had picked up the idea from the famous Build A Bear company, whose Pay Your Age offer was massively over sub...

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Funny story: Hairy female armpits banned at The Nutters Beach Club / Dia veinteocho!

Hairy female armpits banned at The Nutters Beach Club / Dia veinteocho!

2 unshaven, tattooed, fallen footy icons, entered our club last night after failing so miserably and observing a 'change of the superstars footy guard', which manifested itself in front of millions of footy fans yesterday; qui, qui! So, to cheer them up, and being completely mad, we allowed females with hairy armpits into the club to tickle their fancies with their hairy, exposed parts! Sadl...

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Funny story: Young Wisconsin Man Decides Not To Exercise In The Gym After Work

Young Wisconsin Man Decides Not To Exercise In The Gym After Work

Knobville, Wisconsin. Police and town officials sent out a massive search party for young Steven Pubes when it was noticed that he was not in the gym last Monday. Steven, 23, usually goes to a local gym called "The Big Load" every Monday, Wedne...

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Funny story: Man Followed Through

Man Followed Through

There was an embarrassing situation to deal with for one man this morning, after a fart he attempted to release from between his buttocks, turned into something more serious, and he followed through. The incident happened in a bank in Battambang w...

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Funny story: Little Chef Boss Sees Brexit Dividend from No Deal Chaos

Little Chef Boss Sees Brexit Dividend from No Deal Chaos

Little Chef chairman, ardent Brexiteer, Conservative party donor, tax exile and fast food entrepreneur, Sir Tom Arto-Ketchup spoke out today about his hopes for a Brexit Dividend as a result of a no deal Brexit and Operation Stack bringing the roads...

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Funny story: Fat Boy, 6, Sits On Computer Chair, And Smashes It Beyond Recognition

Fat Boy, 6, Sits On Computer Chair, And Smashes It Beyond Recognition

There was hysterical laughter aplenty at one school in Battambang this morning, when a student sat down rather too heavily on a computer chair, whereupon it disintegrated underneath him. The boy, aged 6, and weighing around 150lbs, was waiting to...

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Funny story: Scamatology Reps Visit North Korea to Study Their Labor Camps

Scamatology Reps Visit North Korea to Study Their Labor Camps

Our correspondent has learned that the Church of Scamatology has sent representatives to North Korea to study their labor camp system. Scamatology has been known to throw wayward "Clams," as they like to be called, into either the RPF, which is where...

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Funny story: Scamatology to Sue NXIVM For Stealing Cult Procedures

Scamatology to Sue NXIVM For Stealing Cult Procedures

Clearlymental, FL The Cherch of Scamatology today filed suit against the NXIVM cult for plagiarism, stealing company secrets, and a wide range of other offenses. "Separating cult members from their family if they object to the cult-WE invented tha...

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Funny story: Baseball's Next 300 Game Winner... Should Retire at 299

Baseball's Next 300 Game Winner... Should Retire at 299

As major league baseball pauses for its annual All Star break, let's also pause to wonder who's the next 300 game winner, or will there ever be another one? My advice to the two pitchers closest to that mark - Bartolo Colon of the Rangers [245] an...

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Funny story: Eloon Musk Set To Send 1 Million Dairy Cows To Mars To Re-establish Atmosphere On The Red Planet

Eloon Musk Set To Send 1 Million Dairy Cows To Mars To Re-establish Atmosphere On The Red Planet

Eloon Musk today purchased several thousand head of Jersey dairy cattle, some yet to be born, with the promise to breed up to 6 million to send a constant stream of the bovines to the planet surface of Mars. Each cow would be equipped with its own...

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Funny story: Neymar Offered 'Role' In EastEnders

Neymar Offered 'Role' In EastEnders

Brazilian footballer Neymar has been wowing the crowds at the World Cup in Russia with some stunning performances, and 2 goals so far, but the fans are not the only people the 26-year-old has been impressing. Executives at the BBC have been meetin...

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Funny story: Cleavage to Blame for Man's Unfulfilled Destiny

Cleavage to Blame for Man's Unfulfilled Destiny

When severely questioned about where his life's course could have taken him, 45-year-old William Peters confessed that cleavage had completely screwed up his destiny. "After I finished my doctoral studies, I seriously could have been an archaeol...

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Funny story: Demi Lovato Conscious Again After Publicity Stunt

Demi Lovato Conscious Again After Publicity Stunt

US singer Demi Lovato, who was reported as having been taken into hospital on Tuesday, after a 'Publicity Stunt Overdose' (PSO) is said to be 'recovering well', and is expected to be fleecing fans again soon. Lovato, 25, who was on the road with h...

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Funny story: Man Didn't Seem To Notice (Or Care) That His Big, Hairy, Sweaty Ass Was Showing

Man Didn't Seem To Notice (Or Care) That His Big, Hairy, Sweaty Ass Was Showing

With a belly that has been perfectly formed over a 30-year period of eating TV Dinners and drinking beer, 55-year-old Shane Wall didn't seem to notice, or even care, that his pants had slipped down at work and that his big, hairy, sweaty ass was show...

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Funny story: Boy Hurt After Putting His Head In Alsation Dog's Mouth

Boy Hurt After Putting His Head In Alsation Dog's Mouth

A boy who had, only days before, watched a crocodile show where a man put his head inside a crocodile's mouth, was injured at the weekend when he put his own head inside the mouth of his family's pet, an Alsation dog. Bobby, 6, had been to the cro...

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Funny story: Anti-Cultists Using Scamatology TV to Stop Potential Converts from Joining Scamatology

Anti-Cultists Using Scamatology TV to Stop Potential Converts from Joining Scamatology

NotClear, FL Cult Experts who have been trying to dissuade people that are falling under the spell of Scamatology have been having them watch Scamatology TV. "Generally, once they see about five minutes of the cult's TV station they are glad to n...

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Funny story: Man Bemoans 'Invasive Internet Advertisements'

Man Bemoans 'Invasive Internet Advertisements'

A writer on the satirical news website TheSpoof.com has called for more stringent control on 'invasive internet advertising' after becoming literally mired in ads which have cost him "an arm and a leg". The writer, Erskin Quint, frequent contribut...

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Funny story: NFL Bans Trump From Going To or Even Watching NFL Games

NFL Bans Trump From Going To or Even Watching NFL Games

"President Trump is no longer welcome in any NFL facility" a representative from the NFL Commissioner's office announced. "We have found that his presence is just too disruptive for the players. The owners don't really give a fig what the players do...

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Funny story: Donald Trump Blimp Out Of Control

Donald Trump Blimp Out Of Control

The Donald Trump blimp - the 20ft-high balloon of the US President, wearing a baby's diaper - which has been flying in the sky above the Houses of Parliament in London since Friday, has broken free of its moorings! The perfectly-coiffeured inflata...

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Funny story: England Still Have Everything To Play For

England Still Have Everything To Play For

England manager Gareth Southgate knows that he has a tricky job on his hands to raise his troops for tomorrow's game with Belgium, but has buoyed them with the rallying call that: Everything is still to play for - except for the World Cup, that...

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Funny story: English Hooligans gatecrash The Nutters Beach Club/ Dia veinteneuve!

English Hooligans gatecrash The Nutters Beach Club/ Dia veinteneuve!

It was unavoidable that sooner our later our exclusive club would be discovered, breached, and gatecrashed by English footy hooligans, desperate for some insanity and hoping looking up Volga Olga's shriveled banana skin skirt! However, these hooligans were slightly different, yes pissed out of their brains, but, non-violent, and bawling their eyes out in disbelief after what they witnessed last ni...

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Funny story: Pence, Cabinet Cabal May Invoke 25th Amendment, Removing Trump

Pence, Cabinet Cabal May Invoke 25th Amendment, Removing Trump

Shocked by the President's erratic behavior and comments during recent weeks, sources close to Vice President Mike Pence reveal that he has been in serious discussions with key members of Donald Trump's cabinet with the intent of declaring him "unab...

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Funny story: The Secret England Footballer: Croatia and Cretinous Decisions. I told you so.

The Secret England Footballer: Croatia and Cretinous Decisions. I told you so.

You know I told you so. It's taken a day or two for me to get over my anger, but now I feel free to vent my spleen. Forget Gareth's M&S waistcoat, the penalty win over Columbia, slab head Maguire's goal, getting us to the semi-final and all th...

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Funny story: Football's Forgotten Terrace Chant To Make Comeback

Football's Forgotten Terrace Chant To Make Comeback

A chant that emerged at football grounds in the 1970s, and became popular all over England, Scotland and Wales, mutated and morphed into differently-worded chants, but then went out of fashion, is making a comeback, it has been reported. The chant...

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Funny story: WFFC reports Trump and Rouhani to square off in the desert Bolton and Pompeo in the corner

WFFC reports Trump and Rouhani to square off in the desert Bolton and Pompeo in the corner

Following recommendations of the WFFC, which allies itself with the UN and the ICC, the leaders of these two disputing countries, Mr. Trump of the US, and Mr. Rouhani of Iran, have decided on personal resolution. The WFFC (World Federation of Fed...

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Funny story: Golden Shower Dampens World Cup Final Celebrations

Golden Shower Dampens World Cup Final Celebrations

France and Croatia provided a stunning finale to the World Cup last night, and, in a wonderful show of footballing skills, the French ran out 4-2 victors. Sadly, there was an unfortunate footnote to the tournament, when an argument broke out over the...

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Funny story: Colorado Prepares for Jethro Sessions Invasion Force

Colorado Prepares for Jethro Sessions Invasion Force

Colorado has changed the meaning of Rocky Mountain High to something more literal over the years. Now they are preparing some special weaponry especially for Federal Law Enforcement, should it come to enforce Federal cannabis regulations. "We call...

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Funny story: The Great White Id

The Great White Id

i Daily watch the Great White Id Huffing and puffing away. He’ll gladly tell you what he did To madly disrupt your day. He tweets his Id thoughts from his Throne— His petty gripes and “So unfairs!” Civility he now bemoans And offers us instead despair. His Little Ids feed off his spew And swallow every lie he tweets. His policies the poor now screws— (The same who sport their cle...

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Funny story: The Secret England Footballer: World Cup Shambles, My Personal Roundup

The Secret England Footballer: World Cup Shambles, My Personal Roundup

By the time you read this, I'll be back in Blighty doing the biz with the owner's daughter again. Just what I need and so does she. We'll be off to Ibiza for some pre-season R&R shortly. Well, never let it be said that I didn't do my best for...

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Funny story: NATO Is Shocked And Dismayed By Trump

NATO Is Shocked And Dismayed By Trump

NATO members are shocked by Trump’s unfounded criticisms, numbers, and railing. "He is telling falsehoods!" "Making total distortions of nations and history!" "This is outlandish!" Psst, don’t tell anyone: Putin hates NATO, and Trump’s Putin’s boy and Trump is reciting the Putin script. Really? Yeah, well, he’s doing exactly what he did during the presidential election: lies, distortions...

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Funny story: England: Fourth Place Is Coming Home!

England: Fourth Place Is Coming Home!

Let the celebrations begin! The England football team, so often derided in the past and labelled 'disappointing' at major tournaments, have at last 'completed the job', 'delivered the goods', and, in one last pathetic strain for a brilliant flower...

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Funny story: Putin and Kim Jong-Un Set Up Play Date Without Inviting Trump

Putin and Kim Jong-Un Set Up Play Date Without Inviting Trump

Mar-A-Lamo, FL President Trump is waiting by the phone ever since he found out the leaders of North Korea and Russia are scheduling secret meetings behind his back. "It's probably just a misunderstanding. I know Kim and Vlad probably invited me, b...

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Funny story: Snot Hanging Out Of Kid's Nose Was Nearly A Foot Long

Snot Hanging Out Of Kid's Nose Was Nearly A Foot Long

There was horror on a horrific scale in a local school this morning, when a student in a Science class sneezed, and produced a horrifying 'creature' almost as long as a ruler, that hung out of his nose ! The dirty Snotfest took place around 9am, a...

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Funny story: Owen Gole Favourite To Win Golden Boot

Owen Gole Favourite To Win Golden Boot

The World Cup is well into its final stages, and, as well as the question over its eventual winners, fans are also speculating as to who might win the Golden Boot, the accolade of being the tournament's highest scorer. Belgium eliminated Brazil la...

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Funny story: United Nations Gives Up

United Nations Gives Up

With tears in his eyes, Grand Counsel, Watta Doushpag made a short statement today, which in effect dissolves the international organization founded in 1791 for the mission of putting an end to war, and maintaining world peace forever. "What's the...

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Funny story: United South Western Delta Phi Airline Announces Plans to Hire Surgeon; Doctor; Veterinarian; Boxer; and Contortionist

United South Western Delta Phi Airline Announces Plans to Hire Surgeon; Doctor; Veterinarian; Boxer; and Contortionist

United South Western Delta Phi airlines today announced new employment opportunities. The airline is looking to solve several recent problems it has had with pets dying; humans needing mid-air medical assistance or operations; violent passengers and...

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Funny story: Cloud In Shape Of Penis Draws Big Crowd

Cloud In Shape Of Penis Draws Big Crowd

There was mayhem in one Indian city on Friday, as thousands of women rushed to become 'blessed with sacred milk', when a cloud in the shape of a huge penis appeared in the sky above the city. The penis, I beg your pardon, the cloud, started to for...

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Funny story: Descendants of Brothers Grimm Sue Trump Administration for Giving FairyTales a Bad Name

Descendants of Brothers Grimm Sue Trump Administration for Giving FairyTales a Bad Name

The ACLU today filed yet another suit against the Trump Administration, this time on behalf of the Brothers Grimm, or rather there genetic descendants of the Brothers Grimm. "We can no longer stand by as the plots and lessons embedded in the stori...

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Funny story: Power of Positive Thinking Found to be a Big Load of Shit

Power of Positive Thinking Found to be a Big Load of Shit

Many people around the world believe in the importance of positive thinking. It is often said that having a good attitude as well as a healthy mindset will generally improve an individual's quality of life and lead to success in his or her endeavors...

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Funny story: Comey diagnosed with NDCR syndrome as doctors warn of new virus and spreading epidemic

Comey diagnosed with NDCR syndrome as doctors warn of new virus and spreading epidemic

Former Director of the FBI James Comey has been hospitalized and isolated in a special care facility in Washington, D.C. He is diagnosed with a severe outbreak of the new virus NDCR, particularly virulent this summer. This facility remains cla...

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Funny story: Dia treinte y seite / Nutters Beach Club opens again after heatwave dries out Volga Olga's boney groin!

Dia treinte y seite / Nutters Beach Club opens again after heatwave dries out Volga Olga's boney groin!

Yes fellow Nutters the heatwave currently crisping up our wrinkles has caused quite a problem, Volga Olga, our resident dancer and, 85 year-old Russian nymphomaniac, was "nearly biting the dried, burnt grass" as she suffered two bouts of dehydration after dancing into the early morning hours and disappearing in the broom cupboard with Tiger Woods after she divulged her parched, saggy boobs, to him...

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Funny story: Man looking for a quiet place for a drink on Wednesday and Sunday.

Man looking for a quiet place for a drink on Wednesday and Sunday.

Walter Klondyke Smith, 56, has explained to us that he is desperately trying to think of a quiet pub he can go to on Wednesday and Sunday night when if all goes to plan some multi-millionaires will be kicking a ball around a field thousands of miles...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Who Decides to Follow Jesus Ends Up Sitting in One Place for Really Long Time

Nashville Man Who Decides to Follow Jesus Ends Up Sitting in One Place for Really Long Time

After much soul-searching, Michael Ford of Nashville, Tennessee, a Christian, decided to completely turn over his will and life and follow Jesus, only to wind up sitting in one place for a really long time.. As Mike tells it, the decision to follo...

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Funny story: Total War Against the Taiwanese Mosquitoes

Total War Against the Taiwanese Mosquitoes

One very odd and disturbing thing I noticed while living in Taiwan as an overseas teacher is that all the mosquitos there were extremely intelligent. They would carefully strategize how and when they were going to sting you. I had worked at a summer camp in the United States before, so I knew the absolute hell they could wreak on a person's nerves. All of the American mosquitos at summer camp...

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Funny story: UK Wildlife Sanctuaries Inundated in Heatwave

UK Wildlife Sanctuaries Inundated in Heatwave

Wildlife Sanctuaries across the UK are feeling the effects of the heatwave, with many more animals than usual crossing their thresholds every day. One Sanctuary ,"Debbies Donkeys" in Wales said that every morning seagulls are queueing by the door...

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Funny story: Where are they now? Alan Smithee, Film Director

Where are they now? Alan Smithee, Film Director

A director like no other, Alan was loved, admired, scorned, worshipped, hated, both famous and infamous. Alan's final work was his 1998 self-titled epic "An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn" and to much consternation it was in 2000 that his retirement was officially announced by the Directors Guild of America (DGA). Although Alan had begun directing in 1955 with The Indiscreet Mrs. Jarvi...

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Funny story: Slim Everdingle Sits Down With Vladimir Putin After Helsinki

Slim Everdingle Sits Down With Vladimir Putin After Helsinki

BILLINGSGATE POST: Intrepid crack reporter Slim Everdingle sits down with Vladimir Putin in an interview that captures the attention of millions of viewers throughout the World who are anxious to hear first hand what was said behind closed doors in...

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Funny story: Mueller to indict Republican Party at large as colluding with Russia to steal the 2016 election

Mueller to indict Republican Party at large as colluding with Russia to steal the 2016 election

Special counsel Robert Mueller is reported close to another indictment—of the entire Republican Party as well as Mr. Trump. The indictment will name every verifiable Republican-associated official and party representative in 2016. Republican v...

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Funny story: Nothing Remarkable Happens To Man

Nothing Remarkable Happens To Man

In a surprising turn of non-events that regular readers may find difficult to believe, not much of anything worth telling you about happened to one man living in the Cambodian second-city of Battambang yesterday. Bucking trends as if they were goi...

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Funny story: Colin's Bad Luck With The Ladies

Colin's Bad Luck With The Ladies

An Englishman's wedding day was laid to waste when his bride-to-be told him she needed to "pop outside for a cigarette", and was never seen again. Colin 'D' was due to tie the knot at a Registry Office in Bournemouth with his intended, whose name does not matter, so don't ask. The woman got as far as arriving at the office and taking a seat inside, before starting to show signs of extreme an...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Rises like a Phoenix from the Ashes of His Shattered Relationship

Nashville Man Rises like a Phoenix from the Ashes of His Shattered Relationship

Carl Martin of Nashville, Tennessee, recently rose like a phoenix from the ashes of his shattered six-year relationship with his (now) ex-girlfriend Carla Jones. “People used to joke around all the time about our names,” recalled Carl. “They'd tel...

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Funny story: Qui, Qui, Non, Non, Pee, Pee, as thunderstorm crashes our non-footy after party! Nutters Beach Club dia treinte y seis!

Qui, Qui, Non, Non, Pee, Pee, as thunderstorm crashes our non-footy after party! Nutters Beach Club dia treinte y seis!

Attempting to thwart gate-crashing French footy hooligans, our Chinese Chief Chef, WAN-KIN-DIK, took French frogs legs and French snails off the menu and replaced them with lice (Cantonese version) plus US GMO soy beans! Sadly, as our resident pirate, pissed, poet laureate, Sir Francis (Non-Canard) Charlton and his pissed, perched, deaf, dumb and blind parrot called, Erskine, was about to recit...

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Funny story: Meghan Markle and Queen Break More Than Bread At First Tea

Meghan Markle and Queen Break More Than Bread At First Tea

Many of us knew it twas only a matter of time before it happened, but alas it finally...happened. At Buckingham Palace, during Sunday tea with the Queen, sitting down with Meghan Markle for just an intimate little twosome - the first time since the w...

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Funny story: Volga Olga dances in a 'Brazil Nuts' see through topless dress and brings Neymar down!! Dia Treinta / Dag Dertig!

Volga Olga dances in a 'Brazil Nuts' see through topless dress and brings Neymar down!! Dia Treinta / Dag Dertig!

After ridding the world of Banana Republic, terrible, fake actors, our superstar, 85 year-old, nymphomaniac, resident dancer, Volga Olga, born on the banks of the Black Sea, in Ras-Putin's annexed world of opulence, and Czar palaces, swapped her brown bananas, Josephine Baker style, for Brazil Nut-ters! Rio's infamous carnaval has invited Volga Olga over to head the 2019 carnaval in her Brazil...

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Funny story: Financial Press Shocked that Government Official Who has 2.5 Billion in Debt Wants Lower Interest Rates

Financial Press Shocked that Government Official Who has 2.5 Billion in Debt Wants Lower Interest Rates

New York - A government official, whose private company owes banks and investors over 2.5 billion dollars through 500 private partnerships, broke long standing protocol and criticized the Federal Reserve Board for raising interest rates, rattling bus...

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Funny story: Putin Doesn't Want Trump to Visit Any More Dictators

Putin Doesn't Want Trump to Visit Any More Dictators

Helsinki, Finland After Trump and Putin met at the Helsinki Summit, the translator succumbed to a large bribe and revealed what was said in private between the dictator and the wannabe dictator. "At first Putin was nice to Trump, but then he got r...

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Funny story: Sexism In Ladies Football Accusations

Sexism In Ladies Football Accusations

Women who are also football fans are up in arms this morning at what they call the injustice of a team's description of themselves. They are angry that men's football teams make no 'gender distinction', and want to know why it is that women's tea...

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Funny story: Two-Thirds of Americans Are Despondent But Only One-Third Are Clinically Depressed/Suicidal

Two-Thirds of Americans Are Despondent But Only One-Third Are Clinically Depressed/Suicidal

A report published today in JAMA Internal Medicine revealed that that the emotional state of the large majority (63 percent) of Americans is general despondency, but the good news is that only slightly more than one-third (34 percent) are clinically...

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Funny story: Fried Egg Was Cooked Too Long For Man's Liking

Fried Egg Was Cooked Too Long For Man's Liking

An egg that was pan-fried in sunflower oil until the yolk was a pale yellow color, which could then be "bitten and chewed", had been cooked for too long, in one man's opinion. The egg, served to Moys Kenwood, 55, by his wife as part of a sausage,...

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Funny story: Your Language Lesson of the Week

Your Language Lesson of the Week

This week, the difference between 'continuously' and 'continually'. 'Continually' means occuring again and again, as in: "He irritated her continually day after day. She considered a divorce. Was it worth the time and effort to cultivate a relationship that seemed to be doomed to failure? She couldn't decide." 'Continuously' means occuring without a break, as in: "He irritated her continuou...

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