Humanity’s last hope questions Eldritch Council's logic

Funny story written by Templeton T. Rat

Saturday, 14 July 2018

Young man Darren Radthorp, recently discovered to be the reincarnation of the Saverine, defeater of Lord Ulmoch, has been reportedly questioning the logic of the great Eldritch Council which claims he must face a resurgent Ulmoch alone.

“I mean, I get that I have unique powers that only the reincarnation of a supernatural hero could have, but there’s like 10,000 of those guys,” Radthorp reportedly said, referring to Ulmochs armies, which actually number in the high 200,000s.

“I’ll face him, sure, but can’t I at least have some air support or some soldiers backing me up?” he reportedly asked.

The Council insists he must go alone.

“Only a pure heart can defeat Ulmoch,” says one council member who asked to be kept anonymous.

Ulmoch recently rose off the coast of South Korea swearing vengeance and using his ability to create skeletal Hell beasts to amass an army of terror. “I mean, I’m not asking to tag out, but that guy is huge, and even he brought some back up,” Radthorp was quoted as saying.

“The last Saverine died fighting him; maybe if he had two or three people with him, like council members, perhaps, he might’ve survived,” Radthorp pointed out.

Upon reaching for comment, the Council claims their role isn’t fighting but to sit in their thrones and decree the destiny of heroes. “I would scrap as fast as anyone; it’s not that I’m a coward,” said Eldritch Johannes, “but everyone has a job, ya know? It’s just how these things work.”

As of this writing, Radthorp is appealing to Congress to send military aid with him as Ulmoch has enslaved Seoul and made it his new dark kingdom.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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