Written by Wesley Janson

Friday, 13 July 2018

image for Young Wisconsin Man Decides Not To Exercise In The Gym After Work

Knobville, Wisconsin. Police and town officials sent out a massive search party for young Steven Pubes when it was noticed that he was not in the gym last Monday.

Steven, 23, usually goes to a local gym called "The Big Load" every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 4:00 pm right after he gets done working as an assistant janitor at Dickland High School, which is located on Hymen Street.

Steven's normal exercise routine consists of heavy bench presses, push-ups, incline presses, decline presses, sit-ups, squats, leg extensions, leg curls, military presses, bicep curls, overhead dumbbell extensions, wide grip pull-ups, close grip chin-ups, one arm cable rows, deadlifts, hyperextensions, bent-over barbell rows, calf raises, jumping rope, Pilates, reverse grip dumbbell raises, timed wall sits, and a 'cool down' on the treadmill.

After his 20-minute workout is finished, he usually goes home and takes a shower.

When gym owner, Gina Knockers, noticed that he wasn't there last Monday, she felt somewhat worried.

"It just wasn't like Steven to miss a Monday Workout," she told reporters. "I felt that something might be wrong, so I did the most rational thing I could do at that point. I called the Police and 911."

The search party coordinated its efforts throughout the forests, lakes, and hills of the surrounding county area while police conducted their investigation by questioning neighbors, friends, relatives, and co-workers of the missing young man.

After several hours of intense searching and heavy investigation, Chief of Police, Johnson Peckertracks, decided to approach the young man's home. He carefully knocked on the door and received no response. After waiting for about 5 seconds, he kicked the door open and raised his pistol only to find Steven relaxing on his couch and watching TV.

When asked where he had been since he left work, Steven said that he came home and took a nap.

"I didn't feel like exercising last Monday because I was tired. Plus, it was really humid that day," he told reporters.

"When I got done with work, I thought, 'Fuck It! I'll go to the gym tomorrow.'"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Local




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