Following recommendations of the WFFC, which allies itself with the UN and the ICC, the leaders of these two disputing countries, Mr. Trump of the US, and Mr. Rouhani of Iran, have decided on personal resolution.
The WFFC (World Federation of Fed up Citizens) has also been influential in creating rules for the coming event.
Instead of bombs and devastation to their respective countries, these two leaders—that is, by themselves only—will settle the current conflict threatening world peace.
Populations these leaders serve and seek to lead must bow to the winner, a winner-take-all stipulation, suggested by Mr. Trump.
Accordingly, Mr. Trump took charge of a number of the details. Each leader should strip to loin and chest cloth, plus heft a large club over (either) shoulder.
The club may be whatever a combatant wishes to heft, with no electronic applications included.
A huge wrestling/boxing type ring will be established (currently the desert region at al-Tanf is rumored), on the southern border between Syria and Iraq.
Around this ring populations may assemble to witness the battle.
World media teams are currently swarming about their equipment, readying.
Snack venue corporations are jockeying for position as service to sustain crowd energies. Refrigerating units are something of a problem.
Security for audience presence will be established by joint operations involving Israel-Saudi Arabia-Russia.
Advance tickets are now available.
The rationale for this approach versus conventional weapons involving tanks, troops, flame-throwers, grenades, IED’s, snipers, booby traps, ambulances, and nuclear holocaust is all that will be at zero risk.
Instead the two leaders will heroically carry the burden.
On the heels of this development, Mr. Trump and Mr. Rouhani have been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize at this time.
Meanwhile, it is clear the WFFC has been instrumental in this new global development of the 21st century.
WFFC will supply personnel at ringside, to carry off carcasses.
Asked to explain these developments, a WFFC spokesperson assayed:
"I would just like to make clear that WFFC is NOT a variation of "What the f*ck!"
"We're so f*cking fed up we're cool--is closer to it!"