When severely questioned about where his life's course could have taken him, 45-year-old William Peters confessed that cleavage had completely screwed up his destiny.
"After I finished my doctoral studies, I seriously could have been an archaeologist, a professor, a scientist, a politician, an archivist, a researcher, or perhaps even a professional writer. I had lots of potential in life," William said bitterly in an interview with our news staff.
When asked what specifically happened, William recalled that he was in a bar drinking beer all by himself when an extremely beautiful woman with slightly exposed cleavage came up and said "Hi" to him.
"I completely lost every scientific and rational thought in my mind when she pressed her cleavage up against my left arm and then proceeded to place my hand in between her gorgeous, steamy thighs," William sadly reported.
"After relentlessly seducing me in the bar, she took me back to her place and completely forced herself on me. As I was helplessly making love to her, I completely forgot that I had a PhD in History, a Master's Degree in International Relations, a Bachelor of Science in Metallurgy, two additional undergraduate degrees in Theology and Botany, and heavy training in foreign languages," William recalled.
When asked what happened after that, he said that he married her and that he now has a regular office job he doesn't like, a house he can't afford, three vehicles to pay off, two pets to take care of, and four very ugly children who are all doing poorly in school.
"God-Damnit!" he further added.