Written by Paxton Quigley

Friday, 20 July 2018

image for Little Chef Boss Sees Brexit Dividend from No Deal Chaos
Khan: "Fuck off, Dover. You voted for it".

Little Chef chairman, ardent Brexiteer, Conservative party donor, tax exile and fast food entrepreneur, Sir Tom Arto-Ketchup spoke out today about his hopes for a Brexit Dividend as a result of a no deal Brexit and Operation Stack bringing the roads of Kent to a standstill. In a hastily planned press conference, the gammon-faced Sir Tom spoke of his pride in the plans for expanding his much-maligned "restaurant" chain.

"As we all know, Kent police are already making plans for a permanent Operation Stack whereby juggernauts and delivery lorries heading for Dover will be queued on the A2 and M2 for days on end while awaiting customs checks. Never mind fruit and veg and just-in-time manufacturing and stock control, who cares about the manufacturing and farming industries?

"This is a great opportunity for Little Chef. Just think of all those European truckers stuck there with nothing to eat and no facilities for days on end. That's where we come in. I am announcing today our plans to build Little Chef outlets the length of both the A2 and M2, a total of twenty five, that's one every two miles so that none of our captive customers will have to walk longer than 20 minutes for sustenance. It's a winner."

Concerned citizens of Kent and Kentish citizens, depending on which side of the Medway they live (local terminology joke there) have started a petition for Operation Stack to take place on the M25 demanding that Londoners and commuters should share in the pain too.

When asked for his comment on the petition, London Mayor Sadiq Khan was succinct in his response. "Fuck off, Dover. You voted for it, you own it."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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