BILLINGSGATE POST: Intrepid crack reporter Slim Everdingle sits down with Vladimir Putin in an interview that captures the attention of millions of viewers throughout the World who are anxious to hear first hand what was said behind closed doors in the meeting with President Trump:
Slim: President Putin; for the sake of brevity, may I call you Vlad?
Vlad: I'm humbled. May I call you Slim, Mr. Everdingle?
Slim : A lot has been said about the dossier. It contained information that President Trump had two hookers in his Moscow hotel room back in 2013. The report said that they peed on the same bed that Barack and Michelle Obama slept in on a previous occasion. Why would you send two hookers up to his room when you knew he might have a heart attack even with one?
Vlad: Of course. We were thinking about the girls. We wanted them to have someone to talk to when Mr. Trump fell asleep.
Slim: Did you and President Trump discuss Mr. Mueller during your meeting? What do you think about the indictment of your hackers?
Vlad : We did discuss Mr. Mueller. As an aside, President Trump said Mueller was so ugly when he was a young boy, his parents had to hang a porkchop around his neck so the family dog would play with him. HaHa.
Slim : Interesting...Was there any discussion about NATO? I am sure that you are aware that they want to wrestle Crimea away from you.
Vlad: NATO can kiss my ass. Next Question!
Slim: Both of you said that you would work with each other in the fight against terrorism. What specifically did you decide on?
Vlad: We are proposing to implement a "nuisance" tax on terrorists. By putting a surcharge on attacks that go beyond acceptable casualty limits, we hope to keep future attacks within an acceptable coefficient, at the same time provide a source of income to both nations to reduce the trade deficit between our countries.
President Trump also proposed a joint TOT (Tots Oppose Terrorism) Crusade. We will ask American and Russian parents to donate all of their able-bodied children between the ages of 3 to 6 for a march against the godless infidels in Syria. You might remember that in the original Children's Crusade in 1212, children gathered in European cities to march on Jerusalem to take this holy place back from the same infidels.
Slim: Thank you, President Putin, for your time and insight.
Vlad: It was my pleasure, Slim.
NOTE: This interview will be seen on FOX News this evening at 6:00 PM EST.