Rooster Booster (A Poultry Aphrodisiac) Blamed For Trump Derangement Syndrome

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Tuesday, 31 July 2018


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Rooster Booster

BILLINGSGATE POST: It was well past sunset in a somnolent henhouse outside the comfortable home of chicken rancher Slim Everdingle. The clucking of the Rhode Island Reds had long dissipated as the hens were catching a break after pumping out their daily egg that was snatched up before it had a chance to be fertilized by a sex crazed rooster.

It was a long-standing tradition at Slim’s chicken ranch that hens were not to be bothered by the lusty Leghorns that lurked outside the henhouse. But that was before Rooster Booster was concocted by a mad scientist from Iowa State Agriculture School; none other than Dr. Viscount Billingsgate, who received his Animal Husbandry Doctorate from prestigious La Fontaine College on Grand Cayman Island.

Although it is well known that a rooster’s dink is invariably pink, not many people outside the chicken industry know what it is used for. At birth, when the cute little chicks peck their way out of the egg, they are separated by sharp-eyed visionaries who can differentiate the sexes at a glance. After separation, the female chicks are kept for egg laying. The little roosters are fattened up for 8 - 12 weeks before they go to market, while it takes 6 months for the hens to start laying eggs.

Obviously, some of the roosters have to be kept around for reproduction. And there lies the rub. The aforementioned dink, which is removed during the eviserating process, was found by Dr. Billingsgate to contain high concentrations of chicken testosterone and an involuntary aphrodisiac of non-specific strength that causes hallucinations in some mammals. Upon being desiccated under extreme temperatures, the organic residue from this process became what is now marketed under the name, “Rooster Booster.”

Liberals were the first to connect the boisterous image of Foghorn Leghorn and this amazing new product. Although sold only through Veterinary pharmacies, they started to raise their own chickens in backyard cages just so they could surreptitiously purchase this product for their own use.

As in most products, there are contraindications that appear in the fine print. In the case of Rooster Booster, this caveat appears to give adequate warning: “Not for human use. The aphrodisiac quality of this substance could cause permanent Trump Derangement Syndrome and terminal coccidiosis in some liberals.”

Always read the fine print.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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