Football's Forgotten Terrace Chant To Make Comeback

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 13 July 2018

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It's not coming home

A chant that emerged at football grounds in the 1970s, and became popular all over England, Scotland and Wales, mutated and morphed into differently-worded chants, but then went out of fashion, is making a comeback, it has been reported.

The chant, 'You're Gonna Get Your Fucking Heads Kicked In', was, without doubt, the high-water mark of close-harmony terrace chanting between around 1971 and 1977, and was sung with gusto by fans of one team to their opponents before and during a match. When tempers became frayed, and fans could no longer contain their anger, they frequently spilled onto the pitch, making a beeline for their rivals, rarely reaching them, however, for at that point, common sense raised its head.

Some heads were kicked in, of course, but relatively few.

The ditty went through several excellent revisions. One, the chirpy 'Come An' 'Ave A Go If Y'Think Yer 'Ard Enough' also became anthemic, before 'There's Gonna Be A Nasty Accident!', and later, as thugs sought ever more threatening lyrics to put the fear of God into their adversaries, came 'You're Going 'Ome In A Fuckin Ambulance!'

As news emerged that FIFA are to investigate the chants of England fans during the Croatia defeat in Russia, primarily for using the 'No Surrender' chant, it must be a great comfort to the English FA that fans at home are choosing to stay away from sensitive political issues, and sticking to songs that merely threaten extreme physical violence upon each other, like "You're Gonna Get Your Fucking Heads Kicked In".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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