Written by Paxton Quigley

Monday, 30 July 2018

image for It's Back! The Monobrow Leaves Men Gasping for it and more...
Felicity "Men can't get enough of it"

Comely adult film star Felicity Fellatio admitted today that following rave reviews for her new look, she no longer resorted to electrolysis, plucking, shaving, creams or any form of depilation and claimed that men are loving it.

Felicity spoke exclusively to our gossip columnist Paxton Quigley.

"A couple of months ago, I lost my tweezers and I couldn't be arsed to get out of bed and go to the Chinese nail bar in Tooting Market for eyebrow threading. So when I got to work that afternoon I asked my co-star Roger Ramrod if he was happy with my monobrow. I was pleasantly surprised when he said he couldn't give a toss about my eyebrows as long as I could do my sword swallowing trick.

"I do know that during Chaucer's time a monobrow was considered a thing of beauty but it has fallen out of fashion since the days of The Canterbury Tales. So I was flattered and made a special effort for Roger that afternoon. He's such a gentleman, except when necessary.

"Then a couple of days later, I went further. I was lying on the couch in the studio, naked and stroking my chuff which needed a bit of barber's treatment, when I thought "sod it! Why should I bother? I've got my fans and I'm sure they wouldn't mind me having a bit of an unkempt carpet". Of course, at first, it was difficult for Roger to get used to it as the short and curlies would get stuck in his teeth, but once he had adapted to it and didn't tug on them, he was quite happy with the new hairy experience.

"When it came to the spit roast scene later in the day, he almost came to blows with Rock Harden as to who was going to take which end, and I had to get between them and promise to do the scene twice with the boys swapping over. The things I do for my art!

"Well, my career's really taken off now! I have millions of fans for my personal website and I'm doing This Morning with Holly and Philip. Later on, I'm doing an interview with that prat Piers Morgan for his series Dirty Women on the Job. If he gives me any bother, I'll give him a mouthful. Metaphorically speaking, of course, but you never know..."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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