Written by T. Loaf

Thursday, 19 July 2018

As the perils of enunciation smacked in the face of President Trump at his press conference with President Putin in Russia, misspeak has now enhanced fake news as Donald's pet pieces of nomenclature for the imparting of data and official information.

"Be fair," explained Trump, "how do I know what I think 'til I've heard what I said." Quite....

Having misread his text, leaving out a pretty significant 'not' at a pretty significant moment, government staff are now wading though thousands of texts and comments to see if other misspeaks have prevailed in the President's utterances and output.

"Donald's command of the English language is poor, " admitted a close confidant from the White House. "We practice a wide range of commonplace sayings as well as hackneyed phrases so he can mumble something. We also train him to raise his right hand and form the figure 'O' with his fingers. Otherwise he falls over. But we often have to rely on him reading out a text as it stands. Fortunately, his self-confidence is so sky-high as to ensure it sounds reasonable - you must admit, he has a wonderful voice tone! While his ideas may be repulsive and unfathomable, they sound rather pleasant, don't you think?"

Trump is now having new dentures fitted which quiver if he utters a sentence without the word 'not', making sure he can correct any omission.

"That should do the trick", said his dental consultant. Being 72, doctors are reluctant to meddle with other parts of the President which desperately need attention.

"Inserting a functioning brain would, at this stage, be too risky", confirmed a surgeon, "and as for a heart, well, that's been a lost cause from the start."

"All in all I'm quite happy with how the President speaks, " said his dentist. "It was far more difficult with George W., who seemed to refer to tourists whenever he meant terrorists. He lent the tourist trade a whole new facet during his tenure."

Trump's diction, then, appears not to be the problem, while the content remains a challenge to the world at large.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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