Written by carina-eta

Tuesday, 17 July 2018

image for British Woman Impaled on US Beach
Picture Cropped for Decency

A British woman was left in spasms of ecstasy on a beach at Seaside Heights in Ocean County, New Jersey, today when a freak accident caused an umbrella to impale her.

Velvet Cunningham was innocently sunbathing in a two piece bikini when the beach umbrella was caught up by a forceful wind and slammed right into the hapless Brit.

The womans screams were mistaken for agony by beachgoers who rushed to her aid, but they soon realised that Miss Cunninghams agony was in fact, ecstasy, leaving them standing round looking like perverts at an all night movie theater. ( Or "doggers" in UK slang)

After about 20 minutes Miss Cunningham managed to extricate herself from the greasy pole, gasping for breath and flushed. Fire crews were able to revive her with oxygen and she smoked a cigarette to calm down.

After a couple of hours, onlookers were asked to leave.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: America, umbrella




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