Written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 19 July 2018

image for Trump Not Sure About Whether He's Sure About Russia Or Not
Trump: not sure

In a frank and honest statement earlier today, President Trump has admitted that he isn't sure about whether or not he's sure about Russia's involvement, or non-involvement, in the Meddlinggate crisis.

Mr Trump, looney, was speaking at a White House press conference, and answered the first question with the resolve of a man who hasn't any, and an assertiveness that only people with no assertions on it would understand.

Assertivistically, Trump said:

"You can take it from me, that I'm just not quite sure!"

After last week's visit to Helsinki to meet Mr Putin, Mr Trump even admitted that he wasn't actually sure that he had been taken to Helsinki - it having looked like so many other places - and even claimed that he wasn't really convinced that the man in front of him had been Mr Putin.

"It could've been him, and then again it couldn't've. I always thought he was a bit taller. I'm not really sure on either of those aspectoes," he said.

There was one thing Mr Trump was sure about, however. He winked cunningly at journalists as he said:

"If there's one thing I am damned sure about, it's the fact that I'm not really sure about any of what went on last week, what's going on this week, or will what go on in any week in the future. About that, I'm sure, so help me God!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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