Written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 22 July 2018

image for Stock Market Collapses
Brown leather, £20, from Our Soles R Us

As an amazing run of poor luck continued on the Stock Market, traders were left facing 'total ruin' after high winds yesterday blew the stalls down.

The 'early forecast' had been good, but squally showers mid-morning, and strong breezes coming from an easterly direction soon started to play havoc with the thin plastic sheeting with which the nine stallholders had covered their stalls.

One, over the stall of Maurice Weedle, who is a purveyor of crappy plastic kitchen-type shit, blew completely off the roof of his unit, and draped itself over a customer who was perusing Judy Swagge's women's fragrance stall, Smells Nice. Disgusted, the customer bought nothing, and walked away.

Bricks were found to hold the sheets in place, but just as the 'lunchtime rush' was beginning, a huge gust took everyone by surprise, lifted all the sheeting, and blew three metal stantions completely out of the ground.

A 'domino effect' followed. The stalls nearby fell first. Puncture's Tyres and Betty's Baps folded; Smells Nice flopped next, followed by clothes stall Tatt's Shop; Maurice's Houseware Heaven joined the mix - plastic flew everywhere; Kidd's Toys didn't do any better, and toys tumbled out of their boxes, much to the delight of watching children; Nellie Scrubber's cleaning emporium Kwik Kleen was wiped out, and Forner's Fauna Corner lost its entire stock of seeds to various parts of the muddy market ground, destined, no doubt, to take root, and make this spot a beautiful place to visit next year, after the market had been reclaimed by Nature.

The Stock market had collapsed. Spectacularly. A single stall still stood. Stuart Stathers' strengthened-stantioned shoe store stall stood stock still strikingly statue-like. Stuart steadfastly and stubbornly surveyed his shoes: Our Souls R Us said the hoarding above his head, with its proud strapline - were one needed - that "Our Soles R Built To Take Anything", and nobody could argue with that.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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