There was mayhem in one Indian city on Friday, as thousands of women rushed to become 'blessed with sacred milk', when a cloud in the shape of a huge penis appeared in the sky above the city.
The penis, I beg your pardon, the cloud, started to form itself over Kerala in southern India around mid-morning, but, by lunchtime, had become rather more elongated, and had attracted the attentions of sad, superstitious and childless women on the ground, who began to chatter, as is their wit.
A local man, who labels himself 'a priest', advised the gullible girls that this was a sign from Shiva, the god of fertility, that their prayers were being answered, and, for a small payment, he would bless them in the fertility water when the downpour eventually began. He also instructed them to stroke his own appendage whilst they waited - just for something to do.
A queue formed, which became a throng, and then a crowd. Buses and trains started to arrive as the cloud got bigger, and assumed a much more 'girthsome' aspect. Many of the women wailed and threw themselves on the ground; others knelt, pressing their palms together in prayer, beseeching the cloud to release its 'potent muck'.
When spots of rain did, eventually, start to fall, there were shrieks and a mad scramble to become fertilised, with many unfortunate ladies being trampled underfoot. Those who received the 'blessing', wore smiles of ecstasy on their faces, and lifted their arms aloft in appreciation of their gift.
Later, when everyone was soaking-wet-through, and well-on-the-way to developing acute pneumonia, the rain stopped, there was a rainbow, and the sexy cloud assumed the form of a beautiful umbrella.
