Manchester United Fined For Unsportsmanlike Conduct
MANCHESTER, England - (Sports Satire) - The Manchester Morning Manc Newspaper has just learned that the Premier League has hit Man U with a very hefty fine. The fine was due to the fact that in a game with Tottenham Hot Spur one of the Red Devil p…
Read full storyKFC Will Drop The F And Officially Become Simply KC
LOUISVILLE, Kentucky - (Satire News) - The biggest chicken franchise in the world, has just revealed that they are in the prossatorial process of changing their corporate name. KFC spokeswoman Linda Lorna "Chicken Thighs" Missatico, 41, said that…
Read full storyLike A Boomerang, Earth's Core May Have Reversed Direction
Whaaaaat? The earth's core may have reversed direction. Holy Toledo! Is this a wet finger to the breeze guess, or have scientists discovered that the planet's core put its foot on the brake, came to a complete stop, shifted gears, looked out the rear…
Read full storyScotland Yard Finds Traces of Cocaine In Queen Elizabeth's Underwear Drawer
BUCKINGHAM PALACE - (Satire News) - The BBC is reporting that agents from Scotland Yard searched Queen Elizabeth's master royal bedroom and found traces of cocaine in her knickers drawer. Agent Borton Shipshire, 42, said that the value of the trac…
Read full storyGOP Politicians Give Marjorie Taylor Greene A Brand New Very Fitting Nickname
WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - The Republicans in Congress have given sexpot Marjorie Taylor Greene a brand new fitting nickname. Sen. Otis Ortonbrewster, of Tennessee, said that most of the males in Congress would love to get in MTG's pants a…
Read full storyBurger King Announces That Their San Francisco Restaurants Will Be Known As Burger Queen
NEW YORK CITY - (Business Satire) - The Burger King Corporation has decided to get with the LGBTQ community and address some of their requests. Press Extra writer Voodoo Dupree writes that a group known as The Northern California LGBTQ Guild For F…
Read full storyGov. Sarah Huckabee's Dad Wanted To Pay For Her To Get A Makeup Job
LITTLE ROCK, Arkansas - (Satire News) - Comedian Ricky Gervais has said that Sarah Huckabee, has got to be the ugliest governor since Georgia Governor Lester Maddox (Google the racist). Gervais, who never holds nothing back noted that Gov. Sarah H…
Read full storyThe Planets Don’t Want to Play with Earth No More
NASA: Strange news coming out of the solar system! All planets, asteroids, comets, and mini black holes are moving AWAY from Earth. Doctor Geekie Von Nerdlinger has stated: “Yes, well, it’s a very odd phenomenon, we’ve never seen anything like…
Read full storyThe Ron DeSantis 1st Annual All-FEMALE Mud Wrestling
Welcome, mud fans, to the First Annual All-FEMALE – no guys or “other” allowed, Ron DeSantis has created this “sport” and he will not be pissed off by things he doesn’t like and/or understand -- he controls the state, you don’t – don’t like it, move…
Read full storyRocco Garbonzo’s Horoscopes for 2023
Hey how ya doin’, I’m Rocco Garbonzo and my sister, Carmella (but you probably know her by the name Madame Zoroestria), has a cold or Covid or whatever, so she axed me to do her horoscope column for this week or year – I dunno how this shit works, bu…
Read full storyValentine’s Day Serenade – Smell the Love!
For Valentine’s Day, why not get your sweetheart a special something she’ll really like. How about a song? Something that tells her, “Hey, girl, you are my whole world, and I just love the way you look, the way you walk and talk, even the way you…
Read full storyPut My Fatwa In Your Jihad, Baby
Ah yeah, this is Rasnash Mujahdi spinning all the latest hits across the Arab world, and this one is going out to all the sexy car bombers – flick the switch and blast to the moon, Alice! (an old reference, but a goody) – and don’t spill any on ya, j…
Read full storyGive Generously to the World’s Doomed Babies
Can you give generously? There are children being born in evil countries, being groomed to hate the West, to see life differently, to become evil … No, I’m not talking about any of those poor kids born to parents who are card-carrying members of…
Read full storyA New National Anthem Happy Song to Make Everyone Happy Again
Hello, right-thinking Christian Americans … now that the GOP have a speaker with a mallet to pound and decree crazy shit … everything in the country is fine, just fine … nothing will ever go wrong on the Republican’s watch. Just forget all those pesk…
Read full storyMeaning Of Life Uncovered in a Lost Civilization of the Sahara
An archaeological dig going on in the Sahara desert has revealed the Meaning Of Life! Long before the pharaohs, there were vast civilizations living where the Sahara is now, but, of course, they got covered in sand. Now, due to global warming send…
Read full storySally Broken Heart Wishes You A Happy Valentine’s Day – FUCKERS!
Well hello there, lovers, this is Sally the Match Maker reminding you that Valentine’s Day is coming and I hope you have a sweetie pie to enjoy the day with. If not, you still have a hand, don’t you? A banana? A corner of a piece of furniture you can…
Read full storyDrug Mule Skinner’s Balloon Blues
So you wanna be a drug mule? Sure, lots of celebrities and politicians and Trump children NEED the product you have shoved up your ass, but have you even thought about other career choices? Fuck that, coke pays good, so why flip burgers when a few…
Read full storyThe Television Is Bleeding, But I Feel Fine
The television was bleeding again. It made great entertainment, but had to vie for supremacy of cop shows and reality shows where people are assholes to other people – and maybe some of them even get beaten up! This was at 5pm and I was having reheat…
Read full storyMarjorie Green’s Daddy Was a Sow Lovin’ Machine
Little known fact: Marjorie Taylor Greene’s daddy was a sweetheart! He often serenaded the women he fell in love with – happened every drunken Fourth of July – and he got so good at it, he started writing swooning songs to try to get into a gal’s pan…
Read full storyJunior Tried to Fly High From Daddy’s Roof Like a Coked-Up Icarus
A man was recently spotted at the top of the Trump Tower in New York City. He was pretty high up so no one could see who he was or what he was going to do. But it was New York, so they chanted (with apologies to Van Halen) “Jump! Jump! Might as well…
Read full storyDick Cheney Wants Jesus to Have a Gun
Along with all the other Presidents and Vice-Presidents stashing secret documents in their flower gardens, or openly displaying them ion the coffee table for guests to rifle through and photocopy if they wish, Dick Cheney also has documents that he s…
Read full storyLou Reed’s Secret Lost Song
I was going through my old Lou Reed records, and thought, “If only Lou were still alive, he could write a song of protest to fight da power, instead of a bunch of lollypop girls and KPOP boys singing about wrecking balls and how cute boys and/or girl…
Read full storyHidey Hole Document Disappearance … for All the President’s Men
Are you a former president, or a current one, or maybe you’re a vice president or some kind of person who is given top secret documents, but, by golly, you just don’t know what to do with them. Sure, you read them, but you don’t care what they say…
Read full storySecret Documents Reveal That Queen Elizabeth Was Actually Not a Very Nice Person
LONDON - (Satire News) - England's highly reputable Royal Fog Research Group has uncovered secret documents found in Soho, that show that QE was not as nice as many Brits believe her to have been. The documents clearly show that Charles' mum was v…
Read full storyA New Marching Song for an Army Itching to March
There’s a new American army anthem being tested out on unsuspecting civilians, and they better like it because if anyone knows music, it’s the military. But this new song seems a bit too scary. Like the army wants to go to war. Is America planning…
Read full storyPaul Goser Loves His Nazi Tramp Stamp
Strange news on the tattoo front … Seems as though, Asmodeus J. Krank, a professional tattoo artist has finally decided to reveal some interesting info on one of his old clients. He doesn’t like to get involved in politics, just tattoos, but h…
Read full storyHot & Sexy Motorcycle Mamas Refuse to Settle Down & Get Married!
All across America and points beyond, vicious gangs of biker girls, calling themselves the Vixens, are taking over and terrorizing innocent shop keepers. Inspired by the Russ Meyer B-movie, “Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!”, the Vixens are targetin…
Read full storyAwards for the Lunatic Fringe
It’s award season, and all the award shows have new categories. The more categories means the more winners, although some “winners” may not show up to get the award in person. Spoilsports! It’s something for your mantle, don’t you want something to r…
Read full storyLPB – Last Punk Band
No, it’s not peanut butter and jam, baby, this is the last punk band – found in a cave thinking the world had ended, still writing songs no one will ever hear, eating their own toenails and drinking sweat to survive … straight outa Newcastle-Upon-War…
Read full storyTed Cruz’s Beard is Missing - $10,000 Reward!
Ted Cruz has lost his beard! Bartenders, waitresses, hookers, coke dealers and cocoanut salesmen in Cancun have been looking for it everywhere. Where was Ted last seen? Which bars and massage parlors did he frequent? Everyone who lives and works…
Read full storyWANTED: Skulking Hulking Bulking Piggly Wigglies
They come out at night Thinking to do what’s right Wearing black All over their backs Guns at their hips Ready for a slip of the lip When they glide in disguise Cruisin’ in the unmarked ride Like thieves in the night They got the legal bit…
Read full storyBob Dole Shall Never Die
Psychics, clairvoyants, mediums, Ms. Cleo (is she still alive?) and all the seers employed by the National Enquirer banded together to do a big séance to see what kind of year 2023 will be. But something went horribly wrong! A ghost interrupted…
Read full storyTrump’s Sperm Selling Better Than His NFTs
Trump can’t stop winning! He’s an idea man who gets richer with every genius scheme he can think of. He talked his way into the Oval Office, convincing millions of morons that he was a genius (sooooo easy to do!). And now what’s Donald’s latest mo…
Read full storyWelcome to the 666th Annual Cockfighting Competition for 2023!
From Red Scalp, Texas, welcome to the 666th Annual Cockfighting Competition for 2023! I’m Chaz Shebazz, here with my colleague, Tony the Bone, and we’ve got some big cocks ready for the ring tonight! Tone, who do you like so far? Well, you can…
Read full storyTyrone the Big Bone Sings ‘Til Your Panties Drop With A Splash
Mmmm, baby, this is Barry Blue comin’ at you with all the late-night music to soothe ya … and here’s a sexy new number from – (not me, though I know how to make those panties drop with a splash, baby, ooooo yeah) – that other King of Panty Droppers e…
Read full storyThe Wrath of TOADZILLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As usual, it started in the radiation laden waters off Fukushima, Japan; the area hit by an earthquake and tsunami that carried away the lives of so many of its dwellers a number of years ago. The Japanese people there knew well already the dangers o…
Read full storyDr. Strangelove Bombs in North Korea
Kim Jong Uuuuuuuuunnnnnnnn (Give It To Me, Baby!) is pissed off again because no one’s paying attention to him. He’s tried firing missile at Japan and a couple were pointed in the direction of America, but too far away to hit. He’s fake danced and la…
Read full storyAdam & Eve Bashed in Birthday Suits
A new soft rock group, comprised of a husband and wife (they got the paperwork; they’re legally married, and it’s not Adam and Steve, okay? So many hoops to jump through just to play some damn music!) are on a world tour right now, but they’re not ge…
Read full storyABBA: The Naked Concert
What do these people have in common: Björn & Benny, Agnetha & Anni-Frid? They’re sexy and they’re ABBA! Never mind their movies and musicals based on their songs, now the Swedish supergroup have thought up a new idea for making their so…
Read full storyReligion vs. Rainbow
Every religion became a religion because lots of people killed lots of other people. Every “holy” book is coated in blood. Every. Single. One. This is why religious books (can’t call them holy with a straight face) burn so well. If a God exist…
Read full storyTrumpina Wants to be a Russian Ballerina
Trump is afraid … the heat is closing in … he’s thinking of escape … he’s not worried the FBI has his passport, he’s got tons of those all in different names and from different countries (some say Putin himself gave Donny – or Donna, possibly – a Rus…
Read full storyHeavy Metal Vomit Party
I wanna go to a metal party Bang my head, love the dead Drink a little Jack Get a tattoo Wear a lotta black Find a white trash screw Heavy metal vomit party Is where I wanna be To let my hair hang loose And let my anger run free If I can’…
Read full storyRudy & George Don’t Want Their Pasts to Haunt Them While Dragging
Rudy Giuliani and George Santos have finally come out of the closet! They love dressing up as women and say they’re never going back to “playing male”. “I love these colors on me! Am I an Autumn?” Rudy wondered out loud while George was adjusting…
Read full storyGauntlet of Death – A Family Show
Joe Rogaine has decided to step away temporarily from his awesome kickass podcast where he smokes cigars and interviews scum to head back to the game show circuit. Joe Rogaine’s “Gauntlet of Death” is coming soon to Netflix. This might seem lik…
Read full storyGeorgina LOVES her New Groomer Pumps!
Georgina Santos is no longer welcome on that side of the aisle. He/She went to a party and dressed as a woman, maybe even did kid’s parties and runway shows, and the GOP are not amused. “He’s one of them!” an anonymous senator said. “A groomer! Th…
Read full storyUFO or Vagina: Depends on How Horny Your Religion Is
A UFO-shaped cloud frightened and confused people in predominantly Muslim Turkey. They jumped up and down, pointing their fingers, calling on their god. And the bullshit began because it wasn’t really in a UFO shape (that’s just what people with n…
Read full storyTom Hanks Spanks … from Disney!
Tom Hanks doesn’t want to be the nicest, most trustworthy man in Hollywood anymore. He wants to show off the dead bodies under his house. “Stop treating me like your god,” he may have been kinda reported to have said to someone sometime. So to…
Read full story'He Flashed his Big Penis at Me' - Pamela Anderson says in New Memoir
Pamela Anderson was a Kim Kardashian type Big - Breasted Babe in past years on TV - but also had Talent. She was a star of a 90's TV show about curvaceous young female Life Guards saving attractive guys from drowning - and giving them lots of mo…
Read full storyGreg Abbot LOVES All the Pretty Migrants
A black windowless van has been spotted pulling up at the back of Greg Abbott’s governor’s mansion, and about a dozen migrants were seen getting out. Most of them young pretty girls – not women, girls. What’s going on, Greg? And then it hit me … G…
Read full storyGreat Greta Mega Powerful in Only 20 Years
Great is becoming powerful! She can tell school kids around the world to stay home, or worse, to boycott their schools and teachers and NOT DO THEIR HOMEWORK!! Probably the worst crime imaginable. Warmongers, drug dealers, white salve traders, and…
Read full storyChanging the Channel on Mass Shootings
There’s been another mass shooting in America … and people are tired of it. Not in any way to do something about it, they just don’t want to hear it anymore. Change the channel, watch Netflix, join a protest … again with the mass shootings! Who…
Read full storyBenny Hill Boris Embraces his Inner Fiction
You just can’t keep a disgraced British PM down. Boris was spotted in Ukraine lately, firing randomly at Russian soldiers “just to see what it’s like to kill … kinda legally” and enjoying the local Ukrainian dances (though that could’ve been peop…
Read full storyWalla Walla Gone with the Woke Winds
Walla Walla Washington, one of the more hilarious cities in America, is changing its name. It wants to be taken seriously. Too many busloads of wall jumpers are being sent from Texas to Walla Walla and laughing their asses off at America. When yo…
Read full storyBang Bang Baldwin
Alec Baldwin has signed on to do another western, this time a remake of “Gunfight at the OK Corral”. Bit of a problem … no other actors want to work with him. There has even been a problem finding a director. And not a single cinematographer has s…
Read full storyThe Impossibility of Tom Baker Having A Birthday
Tom Baker had a birthday. Some have said that he was the best Doctor Who. Myself included, but then again I haven’t seen all of the Doctors. Why should I when I’ve seen the best – in a couple episodes, I think … plus he had that scarf. Accessories ma…
Read full storyMelania Trump Finally Admits That Donaldo Is Not Barron's Biological Father
LOS ANGELES - (Satire News) - After keeping it secret for 16 years, the Trumptard's estranged wife, Melania, has finally "admitted" what Ivanka and ONLY Ivanka knew; and that is that her sperm donor father (DJT) is not the biological father of 16-yea…
Read full storyAnother Brick in the Bigotry
Pink Floyd – those sick twisted leftist bastards – have changed their logo! The horror .. the horror! The rainbow coming out of the prism on the cover of “The Dark Side of the Moon” is fine because that’s just physics, and homage, if you will, to…
Read full storyTruss Offered A Green Goo Time Machine
Damien Hirst put a tiger shark into a glass box filled with green goo, and called it a masterpiece. Now he’s thinking of an even more revolutionary project, but involving a real person. Will she go for it? He has contacted Liz Truss’ office…
Read full storyGuns and Ammo
Guns and ammo Cunt and camo See and scare Lure and lair Flag and frag Butcher and bag Die and death Bleed and breath Vine and vim Sink and swim Stars and bars Wares and wars Clip and clap Fun and fap Moon an…
Read full storyCindy Lou Who On the Lam from the Supreme Court
The American Supreme Court can’t find a hole in its ass. And they’ve really really been looking. John Roberts started the search cuz if he didn’t he wouldn’t be called the Head Judge, so he did his job, but, alas, his job wasn’t good enough. Someo…
Read full storyHarry & Meghan Sporting New Colours
Harry and Meghan were spotted by paparazzi in the Maldives Islands, half naked, rolling around in the tropical surf, and feeding each other shrimp cocktails. But there was something strange, reported Super Paparazzi, Enzo Lambourgini … … they…
Read full storyKari Kari Quite Contrary … and Batshit Crazy!
Kari Lake is still very sure that she won. She goes on talk shows and podcasts telling anyone who’ll listen that the vote was stolen and she won and she loves Trump and Jesus and one day Jesus shall ride down on his white horse to interfere in unjust…
Read full storyGrooming Lesbians Are In for 2023!
Do gay and lesbian people groom? Do heterosexual people groom? What is groom anyway? Is it like a broom or a groom in a wedding? Can critics of groomers admit truthfully that they’ve never groomed anyone for anything? Does the NRA groom kids to love…
Read full storyDonald Trump Has Been Banned From Ever Entering The State of Massachusetts
BOSTON - (Satire News) - To quote the title of a well-known soap opera, "As The World Turns," the state senate of Massachusetts has just voted 99 to1 to ban Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump from ever setting foot in the Bay State. Sen. Norris Vindenf…
Read full storyTeeny Weeny Nazi Flags for Patriots
Taking a note from British Commonwealth countries, the Republican Party has proposed a change to all state flags where the GOP has a majority. In the flags of the Commonwealth can be seen a tiny Union Jack, thus do the colonies acknowledge their…
Read full storyForehead Tattoos for the Kentucky Righteous
A Senator from Kentucky, who prefers to remain nameless and without a conscience, has proposed a new bill to make crucifix tattoos mandatory on all people, including children, right on their foreheads. If you do not have this tattoo, you may be su…
Read full storyKim Jong’s Yummy China Bitch Ice Cream!
North Korean ice cream is coming to the West, and none too soon. Personally made by Kim himself, the ice cream is creamy and delicious and does not contain Ebola or any other virus to destroy those in the West who will always have more freedom tha…
Read full storyChinese Wrestling to Make the Small Feel Big
The Chinese are small people with big dreams. In a fistfight, not many of them can lick a Swede (oh my, can I lick a Swede?). But they like to watch those who can – big muthas with big muscles bouncing each other all over a ring, jumping off the top…
Read full storyScottish Jihadist May Be Lurking in Pub Washrooms
Reports are flying fast and furious, with no confirmation as to whether they’re true, but is there a radical Muslim cabal of jihadists in … Scotland?! Wha? It’s all speculation so far, but things have been heard, the grapevine is a-buzz, that cer…
Read full storyHarry & Meghan Pubic Hair Throw Rugs
Harry and Meghan are worried that they won’t have ROYAL MONEY coming in for their entire lives. Instead, they may have to get jobs. Just kidding, they won’t. But they like to keep busy. Harry wrote a book about his worries, possibly called “My Str…
Read full storyThe Baldwin 9mm “Guess Again” Gun
Hello, I’m Roscoe Killbaby, head of the National Gun Nuts (NGN), and I am excited to introduce to all our members and freedom-loving, gun-toting nutbars across America to the new Baldwin 9mm! Named after Alec Baldwin, and possibly even endorsed by…
Read full storyWendys Addresses The Rumor That Their Blizzards Contain Snow
NEW YORK CITY - (Business Satire) - The Wendy's Corporation has addressed the rumor that began in Wisconsin, that one of their fast food outlets is selling Blizzards that have been known to contain traces of snow. The American Food News Agency fir…
Read full storyThe All New Christ on a Cracker (or Jesus Cheese)
Catholics the world over are excited by Pope Francis’ new and improved way for his minions to eat their god. Usually, the priest would stick a piece of hard … something (they called it a wafer or a cracker, but who knows with those people, all lie…
Read full storyFord Brexit to be announced soon
BRITAIN and FRANCE – (Satire News) – There is a rumor in the automotive industry that the traditional and most popular car model of the past years will make a comeback in a new form. “Actually it's a pretty strong piece of information just waiting…
Read full storyThe New Disease: Long Obesity - Do You Have It?
Medicine has announced a new disease Long Obesity. They expect to make a lot of money treating it. There has always been Obesity, about 10% of the human raced inherit Obesity genes. Most get obese from years of overeating. Human society h…
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