It’s award season, and all the award shows have new categories. The more categories means the more winners, although some “winners” may not show up to get the award in person. Spoilsports! It’s something for your mantle, don’t you want something to reflect your ego?
Who will win? Who knows, but if there’s someone you can think of to nominate, please let your selections be known to whatever award show you like the best.
Here are just a few of the exciting new categories:
Best Two-Faced Bastard.
Best Crazy Rant by Someone Who Doesn’t Deserve Fame and Fortune.
Craziest Conspiracy Theorist.
Most Batshit Psychopath in Politics.
Best Incriminating Photo Showing Someone Doing Something They Said They Never Did
Worst Dressed Dictator
Ugliest Trump
Best Billionaire Without A Shred of Decency or Civility
Greatest Liar
Biggest Fattest Scumiest Shithead
Worst Dressed QANON and/or Proud Boy
Longest Serving Political Inmate
and
Dumbest Republican B-List Celebrity
Wow, that’s a lot of medals which will surely attract a ton of contenders. Tune in, world, and see who wins over the others, since human beings can’t stop giving themselves awards for doing whatever their high-profile jobs tell them to do.
(Where’s my Best Sandwich Maker and Knob Polisher Award? Damn you, Julio, I polish a great knob, way better than you do – ah, to hell with it, it’s all politics and cronyism.)
