Reports are flying fast and furious, with no confirmation as to whether they’re true, but is there a radical Muslim cabal of jihadists in … Scotland?!
Wha? It’s all speculation so far, but things have been heard, the grapevine is a-buzz, that certain Scottish fellas – well, one at least, someone in a pub, where the following song – or treatise, creed, doctrine – was found behind the urinal pipes, possibly giving hint that the Scots are becoming radicalized …
… unless it’s actually a sexual thing and our top reporter needs to stop getting his stories from men’s washrooms in pubs, and to stop pissing down his pantlegs and missing the bowl completely – put down the fucking pint and write do your research like the rest of us (uh … shit, I’m a little drunk writing this right now, so pot calling the kettle, sorry … please enjoy this little ditty about a fella who wants you to glance under his sporran)
Plaid Jihad
I’m so bad
A Scottish lad
It’s no a fad
Tell mom and dad
I’ll make you mad
Or make you glad
With my pair of nads
In my plaid jihad
[Chorus]
Plaid jihad
Explosive kilt
A feisty lad
Who’s really built
Built, baby, built
For the plaid jihad
Look up my clan
To see I’m a man
Such lovely weather
For a roll in the heather
Don’t you go rilin’
The man from the highlands
I’m no a queen
I’m from Aberdeen
You dunna wanna miss
My hefty haggis
From night to mornin’
I flip my sporran
Wanna take it further
We’ll go to Edinburgh
When we hit the dance floor
Watch out for my holy war
I’m a sexy bitch
Wanna scratch my itch
You all wanna know
If I’m goin’ commando
If you’re no a phony
You can pet my Shetland pony
If you wanna wee fun night
Learn to blow my bagpipe
