Welcome, mud fans, to the First Annual All-FEMALE – no guys or “other” allowed, Ron DeSantis has created this “sport” and he will not be pissed off by things he doesn’t like and/or understand -- he controls the state, you don’t – don’t like it, move - Mud Wrestling!
All ladies in the audience who think they have what it takes may approach the referee and flash him your boobs first, and then your vagina. If you do not have a vagina … get out. Just get the fuck out of Florida right now.
Our wrestlers will only be wearing very skimpy bathing suits or lingerie (remember Borat in the neon green bikini? That. Wear that. The judges and referees and the entire audience want to SEE what you got all the time.)
No strap-ons!
I repeat … NO fake dicks hidden down your panties and you pretending it ain’t made of rubber or latex or wood or glass or anything but flesh! Yes, the front row perverts may become very horny, but not horny enough they can’t tell what’s down there. (If they proposition you, take it outside, that’s not our concern – we just don’t want to see it.)
The Lion’s Club, Kiwanis, Rotary Club and The Shriners all have reservations for the front row (aka, “Pervert’s Row”) so you likely won’t get too much of the initial splash back of mud – the stuff that comes right off the girls without rebound. But those old filthy bastards paid good money for front row, so they get all the best fluids. Yes, fluids, plural.
If you want a wrestler to spit in your mouth: $50 up front. Blood: $100. Other “juices” you will have to negotiate with the wrestler herself. If you want her to do things to you – hey! – this ain’t a whorehouse – it’s mud wrestling! A real sport! We have a back alley for that kinda thing!
So come on down to Florida where the mud will fly – but not if you’re a guy.
Paid for by the “Committee to Keep Penises Penises.”
