From Red Scalp, Texas, welcome to the 666th Annual Cockfighting Competition for 2023!
I’m Chaz Shebazz, here with my colleague, Tony the Bone, and we’ve got some big cocks ready for the ring tonight! Tone, who do you like so far?
Well, you can’t go wrong with the Brazilian or the Argentinean, they always have the big cocks, but this year, I think China is ready to roost and take home the trophy for biggest and most dangerous cock!
Can’t argue with that. I like how the North Korean cock is feeling, well, cocky – ha ha, another cockfighting joke bites the dust.
Yes it does, and there’s the American, always a strange cock, you think you can trust him but he’s always got some razors on his spurs –
And might we remind the audience watching on the Dark Web, where all things illegal get bought and sold and turned into doctrine and law – that razors are now illegal in cockfighting – a new era has been born, trying to be a lot less bloody than the last.
Ah but history may repeat itself – when everything seems good, underneath, you know it’s all just a bunch of razors and cocks fighting to the death.
Couldn’t say it better – and there’s the British cock, seems confused, walking in circles, is it going forward or backwards, can’t tell at this point – poor thing, really should be put out of its –
– and there’s the Russian cock, also seems confused but he’s pretending he’s not – like a drunk trying to walk a straight line – could be some drugging issues there, the Russians are known for their cheating, gotta watch them carefully – these poor old cocks just do NOT know when to retire to their roosts and leave the young cocks to hold sway over the world of cockfighting!
Ooo, I do not like the look of that Iranian cock, he has been in a few fights already before tonight’s contest, I don’t think he’ll make this one – maybe send him home to lay an egg –
Rooster’s don’t lay eggs, but I think he just might – something’s gonna drop from his ass.
And, what, my producer’s telling me we have to go to commercial – but we’ll be back, cock fans, with more strutting on the cockwalk where some cock’s gotta win and a lot are gonna have to lose, but you can bet your monetary fund that every cock’s gonna get bloody tonight!
Stay tuned after this message from Kentucky Fried Chicken – we take the losers and cook ‘em up good!
