Tom Hanks doesn’t want to be the nicest, most trustworthy man in Hollywood anymore. He wants to show off the dead bodies under his house.
“Stop treating me like your god,” he may have been kinda reported to have said to someone sometime.
So to “improve” his image and turn himself into a bad boy of Hollywood, he’s gonna punch some lucky contest winner right in the gut, or maybe the face, or maybe the genitals – the winner gets to pick!
It’s a new game show called, “Tom Hanks Spanks”. But it won’t be all spanking. (And they couldn’t name it for what mostly happens since that would be obscene and wonderful, so no “Tom Hanks Whips Loser’s Asses Red and Raw While Pissing During the National Anthem and Blaspheming Everyone’s Gods” … or whatever the TV producers were thinking of calling it.)
Whips and chains, waterboards and golden showers, the rack and Iron Maiden (while Maiden plays loud and proud on the hi-fi – Run to the Hills!), thumbscrews, being forced to listen to Celine Dion, fire ants in the urethra – Tom is going for broke!
If someone isn’t tortured to death as a season finale – Tom will be pissed, and come back in September for a new season with even more ugly and gruesome torture methods to entertain audiences the world over.
Spanking is the least torment (and if the contestants orgasm during the spanking, they get put in the “Dungeon of Honey” … which is not … uggh, you don’t want to know what ‘honey’ means in this context, just don’t ask, please, for the love of – )
“Tom Hanks Spanks”, coming this Fall from the Disney Channel!
