Written by Wesley Janson

Saturday, 9 February 2019

image for Cheaply Purchased Trac Phone Runs Out Of Minutes As Man Desperately Tries To Provide Advice To Others

Beloit, Wisconsin. Brad Steiner's trac phone ran out of minutes last Friday, February 1st, after he spent the entire evening desperately trying to provide deep advice to others who were feeling emotionally distressed and extremely troubled.

Brad, 39, came home after a long week of working at Dollar General only to find that numerous friends and former classmates living in other cities were craving his wisdom and perspective on life, as they felt the need to unload their problems and existential concerns on him.

With numerous text messages and images going back and forth, the trac phone went from having 320 minutes to having only 4 in a matter of 2 hours.

Mr. Steiner, who majored in 'General Studies' at various community colleges throughout the States of Wisconsin and Iowa, wasn't really sure why people thought he was so smart, but he tried to help them, anyway.

The 'electronic intensity' of wisdom being shared in broken, grammatically incorrect sentences (with continual interruptions and images that were too big to download) completely wiped out the 'prepaid trac phone minute card' that Brad had purchased the previous week.

"I tried to tell them that they could chat with me on Facebook because it's free, but they wouldn't listen," Brad stated.

"God Damnit," he added.

Mentally exhausted and financially wiped out, Brad now crawls to the local library with all of the remaining strength that he has from eating nothing but ramen noodles and green beans, so that he can use their free internet service to look for community college programs that will lead to better paying jobs.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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