Humanity Will Outlive Insects by at Least a Month, Claims Optimistic Report

Funny story written by Sasa Stankovic

Tuesday, 12 February 2019

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The world is still recovering from a shock caused by the latest scientific report claiming that all insects may be extinct by the end of the century, which will result in a collapse of the planetary ecosystem.

In an effort to plant a seed of optimism and hope in this tragedy, a group of optimistic scientists approached the problem in a somewhat different way. They tried to reverse a narrative suggesting we should all be depressed because a disappearance of insects will soon be followed by our own extinction.

“It is in human nature to take things at their face value," said the representative of this fine group. “People tend to jump to conclusions without carefully analysing a problem. The report is scary, but if you take a few steps back and deeply inhale, the perspective changes.”

“There were at least five big extinction events since life emerged. You and I wouldn’t be talking today if that big rock had missed the earth 65 million years ago. Or we would, as reptiles, our tails crashing everything in this room.”

“It is the way of nature. All species on Earth will disappear sooner or later. The question is, what do we do about it?”

“Nothing. It’s inevitable. We could do something to avoid boredom, though. Cannibalism, for example, could be a fun way to spend our last months. Remaining human beings can scavenge for something to eat in what is left of nature, and hunt each other for food.”

“The final outcome can’t be reversed. Our calculations show that, once we exterminate all insects, we have at least a month left on this planet, probably more.”

“We should enjoy it. And be triumphant. We will screw all insects by shortly outliving them.”

“After all, the universe will implode in a trillion years. On the cosmic scale, nothing really matters.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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