Man's Bicycle Chain Came Off When He Stood Up To Pedal

Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 6 February 2019

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A pleasant afternoon cycling through country lanes turned sour for one man at the weekend, when, coming to a slight incline in the road, and rising out of his seat to exert extra force with his legs, his chain came off, and he plunged earthwards, before coming to a juddering halt.

As many people who ride bicycles will know, the crossbar is a formidable foe. And so it proved, when the testicles of challenger, Moys Kenwood, came up against the sturdy crossbar on his own bike, in the scenario described above.

Kenwood would have winced, but didn't have time, as his crossbar raced upwards to meet his knackers, and did so with a sickening thud that could only be heard inside his own head. The world turned upside-down, and inside-out, and the cyclist plummeted to the road.

Recovering consciousness a few minutes later, he gingerly felt between his legs to take stock of the damage. He counted to two, and was relieved, but when he attempted to remount the bike, and ride it home, he experienced rather more difficulty, and symptoms of what, in the cycling community, is commonly known as Knacker Trauma*.

He walked for a while, until he regained sensation in the bollox.

The Englishman has vowed to 'push from the saddle' in the future.

* The Spoof recommends that cyclists check their bikes over thoroughly before setting out on a journey, and that they stay in the saddle to avoid Knacker Trauma.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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