Jussie Smollett Says All White People Attacked Him

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 23 February 2019

image for Jussie Smollett Says All White People Attacked Him
Smollett, aged 9, scheming (archive)

Jussie Smollett, the black African-American actor who used to star in the Empire TV series, claims he has been the victim of a callous, vicious, and malicious race-motivated attack by every single white person on the planet, and he's deadly serious.

Smollett, currently the subject of a Chicago police investigation over a crude lie he told about being attacked by two white men, says this latest attack happened shortly after he went to bed last night, having already had a nice, calming bottle of whisky to soothe his frayed nerves.

Smollett's attorney announced:

"My client has been the victim of yet another racist atrocity, which happened whilst he was in the supposed-comfort of his own home. This time, the perpetrators of the horrendous assault did unspeakable things to my client, which I won't speak about. Suffice to say, that we will be contacting the police with a view to having every member of the white race arrested for this horrific attack on his character."

People raised their eyebrows and shook their heads.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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