Man Is Addicted To Tea

Written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 23 February 2019

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A man who likes drinking tea has told friends that he so much likes drinking tea, that he fears he is now addicted to it.

Myke Woodson has been drinking tea since he was around 4 years old, starting with a single brew after his evening meal - ironically, in Yorkshire, known as his 'tea'.

As he grew older, he drank tea at breakfast, with his dinner, and at random other times, including just before he went to bed, known as 'suppertime'.

Kenwood worked in various office-type jobs, and always kept a cup at work for tea breaks. In truth, the more bored he was, the more tea he drank. He told us that, as a distraction from tedium, tea is difficult to beat. He even has an acronym for it:

Tedium Expulsion Aid

Now, however, his tea consumption seems to have spiralled out of control, and he finds himself drinking 6, or even 7, cups of tea every day. It is, he claims, a combination of the boredom of his occupation, a feeling of being totally overwhelmed by something he doesn't want to do, and the narcoleptical consequences he has to fight off, that has resulted in his addiction. He said:

"Work tends to send me off to the Land of Nod. A cup of tea gives me a bit of 'impetus', and tends to keep me awake - for a while."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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