Wild pig bites Venezuelan model’s rear end; blames Maduro and CNN

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Saturday, 23 February 2019

image for Wild pig bites Venezuelan model’s rear end; blames Maduro and CNN
The swine in question is quietly apologetic

This latest savage attack on a female derriere has appalled the world.

Shockwaves are being reported across the female rear-view fashion industry (with guarantees no design changes will reveal less).

At this time fashion Model Michelle Lewin is recovering in a private hospital specializing in buttock repairs.

Her exposed left buttock was assailed on a beach in the Bahamas by a pig taking an unruly interest in the very asset she was demonstrating.

Fortunately, due to the work of the hacker group, Dark Overbored, an important interview with the pig involved is available.

Dark Overbored introduces the interview by noting the suspect is highly educated. Unknown to the general public, animals also have schools, lecture halls, and degrees.

The swine involved, J. “Russell” Mimbury, has a DOS (doctor of swinology) equivalent to a Phd.

DO: Well, are you saying it was just simply and purely a matter of lust—that you saw that globular white mound of buttock and just could not control yourself?

JM: That, yes. Hunger, yes. As with Venezuela. Notice though they have been receiving shipments from China and Russia.

DO: Please do not evade the question! Lust or something else?

JM: Yes, yes, of course! Do you think we swine are not equally as lusty as you humans? And that a dandled female buttock might not entice a male's interest, including swine?

DO: Well, then I think you will be brought up on charges . . .

JM: But that’s not all there is to it! I’m trying to tell you! I blame CNN and such, and all the rest of them. I’ve been in a nervous state for the past month, since Trump declared What’s His Name Venezuela's real president.

DO: You mean Guaido. Yes, he is now the only president in recent memory who elected himself . . . and the US and a lot of other countries applauded this change, as did most of the Democrats. While calling for democracy!

JM: Except for Bernie Sanders and a couple others. Then Sanders had the nerve to come forward and NOT acknowledge Mr. Guaido. Why? Because Maduro is the legitimate elected president, verified by an international consortium just last year!

DO: You mean Sanders should have gone along with Pelosi, Schumer, and Warren and the rest, all saying Guaido! Yes, Yes! Democracy! Whereas Guaido didn’t even run in the last election . . . .

JM: Yes, yes! Plus Sanders calls for dialogue between the two sides! Instead of war! Do you see? I am nearly sick with this!

DO: You mean, then, that if there was no political crisis right now, Ms. Lewin’s left buttock would have been safe from you and your fellow swine roaming the beach?

JM: I tell you, sir, we pigs do not lie. I have to admit, Ms. Lewin’s right-side buttock is starting to look awfully good to me at this time.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more