Adjectival Usage On The Increase

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 18 February 2019

image for Adjectival Usage On The Increase
A fox jumping earlier

A study has shown that adjectival usage - the use of adjectives - is on the increase, and is likely to continue increasing until people stop using them quite so much.

Results show that for the month of January, the use of adjectives on satirical news website,, was up by an alarming 386%, the biggest, largest, hugest, and enormousest rise anyone can remember.

The rise is overwhelming.

Adjectives, which are used to modify nouns, are essential to language, otherwise nouns would remain unmodified. Without beautiful, cute and fantastically-scented adjectives, we would not be able to explain to people just what the hell we were talking about.

To demonstrate this, we have supplied a sentence below with three adjectives, and below that, without three, so that readers can compare:

The quick brown fox jumped over the sleazy dog. (adjectival)

The fox jumped over the dog. (adjectiveless)

Indeed, even the word 'adjectiveless' is an adjective.

In other news, the words 'objective' and 'subjective' are becoming confused, so people should watch out for these when being objectively subjective, subjectively objective, or any other combination of the two not yet discovered.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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