Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 11 February 2019

image for Valentine's Day Cards Withdrawn From Shelves In 'Porn' Row
Pure filth

A series of Valentine's Day cards has had to be removed from the shelves of cardshops all across the country, after there were complaints from customers who said their content was "nothing short of pornographic".

Valentine's Day, on February 14, is a time for sweethearts to celebrate their love for one another, and is usually marked by sending some flowers or chocolates, accompanied by a card decorated with a red heart, or some other such symbol of the sender's affection.

Not a penis and testicles though.

Or a huge pair of breasts.

Or an image of a upturned butt waiting to be shafted.

But these were the images on the series of cards for sale in some of the top card retailers on the high street yesterday.

The images were manipulations of a red heart, stretched, pulled, elongated and squeezed so that it resembled parts of the human anatomy in the sickest and most gratuitous display of graphic card designing ever witnessed in cardshop history.

One woman, shopping for cut-price Christmas cards, said:

"I wanted to buy one, but the sales assistant grabbed it out of my hand, and said they were not for sale anymore, as they were too smutty."

Another customer, 'Beryl', said:

"I thought they were very tasteless. I can tell you, I licked the one with the cock on it, and it had no taste whatever."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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