Nike Shoe Destroyed as Illuminati Ascend in Power

Funny story written by Zabdgrov667

Friday, 22 February 2019

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DUKE Fan Speechless After Nike "Explosion" and Basketball Loss

RALEIGH, NC - In a college basketball game between Duke University and the University of North Carolina, one of the Next-Generation shoes "exploded" while being worn by Zion Williamson. Adding to the shock, President Barack Obama attended the game, and saw the "explosion" which happened a mere 30 seconds after its start.

Later on the night of February 20th, the Illuminati issued an Anonymous Statement ... which was delivered through a "Former Federal Government Employee" to the Washington Post "Breaking News" section. The message is quoted below:

    TREMBLE IN FEAR!!! ... You, the masses who are oblivious to the Most Sinister Machinations of the Illuminati - whose power is far beyond the limits of mortal imagination.... Today - an innocent Nike shoe felt the WRATH of the Illuminati, and was COMPLETELY Destroyed.... Yes, a Top-Ranked Duke Basketball Team lost in an upset due to their star player not being able to play.... HOWEVER, our Secret Tentacles extend far beyond College Sporting Events! Bwaa-ha-ha!

Agents of the Secret Service assigned to former President Obama admitted that they were stunned by how badly a Nike shoe had been damaged in an instant. However, they also described the incident as "kind of meh", with one agent revealing that he "always cheered for UNC."

Illuminati public relations have been disappointed as their Secret Society is less and less suspected of "Sinister Plots and Conspiracy" over recent years. In fact, several other well-known "instigators" have Greater Recognition as Plotting World Domination, or other global disasters.

  • United States Congress - polled 37% more likely to cause World Economic Collapse
  • CIA/FBI/NSA - polled 41% more likely to Overthrow a Country or Sovereign State (including USA)
  • Trilateral Commission - polled 29% more likely to Seize Control of All Monetary Systems
  • Google/FaceBook/Amazon - polled 70% more likely to become "Masters of New World Order"

While politicians with Authoritarian intent, rogue "Intelligence" Agencies, and lobbyists of the Military Industrial Complex are the most obvious candidates for any given "Conspiracy Theory", ordinary people should not forget "The US Constitution Nullification Charter of 2009" which was implemented under the Obama Administration as a combined effort of the Trilateral Commission, Illuminati, and the Bilderberg group.

The Illuminati Admit to Writing Major Portions of ObamaCare
"Illuminati Too Disrespectful" Says President Obama
Illuminati Lost Control of CIA ?!!!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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