Freezing Chicago Fireman Hoping for Nice, Warm Neighborhood Fire

Funny story written by Sasa Stankovic

Friday, 1 February 2019

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As Minnesota, Wisconsin, and Illinois continue to struggle with the polar vortex cold snap, people are trying to come up with imaginative and often unorthodox ways to stay warm in sub-zero temperatures.

A member of the Chicago fire brigade has confirmed that there is nothing he would like more than to encounter a nice, warm and cuddly fire, possibly engulfing an entire neighbourhood.

“Yes, there is heating in our station”, he said, “but after many years in this line of work, I assure you that nothing, and I mean nothing, keeps you warm on freezing nights as well as a wild and uncontrolled fire destroying everything in its path.”

“Just last night, we went out after receiving a call about a house on fire. I wasn’t impressed. You see, a burning middle-class home does not radiate nearly enough heat to warm up a group of people standing in front of it. Not my team and me, not in this cold. We reluctantly put it down.”

“Anyway, what you need to properly warm-up in this Arctic weather is something much bigger, a huge fire which will engulf at least several city blocks, if not the entire neighborhood.

“Of course, I don’t want anyone to get hurt. We would get people out of their homes. If they want to get out. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of them chose to remain in their burning homes, if the other option was freezing to death.”

“I wouldn’t exactly be cheerful if it happened. I don’t want you to think that I’m an arsonist or anything.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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