Nashville Pig Declines to Be Featured in BBQ Restaurant Logo

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Friday, 15 February 2019

image for Nashville Pig Declines to Be Featured in BBQ Restaurant Logo
A pig known for his integrity, Pete refused to sell out by becoming a brand rep for Happy Hog BBQ.

A pig named Pete made waves recently when he declined a potentially lucrative opportunity to be featured in the logo for Nashville hot spot Happy Hog BBQ, despite admittedly not having an alternative source of income.

Pete was reportedly immune to the attempts of Happy Hog executives to flatter him by gushing over his cherubic pink skin and his "all-American farmboy face," which, they said, would appeal to kids and adults alike.

While sources say that Pete never intended to accept the offer, it's been  reported that he toyed with the company executives before outright rejecting their proposal. Specifically, he asked whether they'd agree to include a contact provision guaranteeing that Pete, himself, would remain off the Happy Hog menu.

After a huddled discussion, the executives told Pete that they would agree to a "hands off Pete" provision - but they added that, in order to ensure that they would be able to distinguish Pete from the thousands of hogs slaughtered annually for the culinary enjoyment of hungry Happy Hog diners, they would need Pete to be specially earmarked.

Pete reportedly snorted, wondering aloud just how dumb the restaurant executives thought he was. He wryly asked them if they were also going to offer him profit-sharing or incentives for recruiting his hog buddies as new "porcine resources." (In fact, Happy Hog had been planning to offer him such incentives.)

Finally, after officially declining the offer to serve as Happy Hog BBQ brand representative, Pete made a dramatic exit from the boardroom,  "accidentally" knocking over an enormous tub of barbecue sauce, which landed on the laps of the well-coiffed businessmen and ruining their fancy suits. Pete then scoffingly asked over his shoulder how they enjoyed being being slathered with Happy Hog's specialty honey-molasses blend.

"Granted, it was unpleasant," said one irritated Happy Hog executive. "But he conveniently ignored the fact that by the time he was coated with it, he wouldn't have felt a thing."

Chastened by the rejection by the pig they wanted, Happy Hog BBQ is now on the hunt for an overweight but cheerful and relatively healthy-looking human to serve as its brand representative. The company is currently accepting applications from interested parties.

"Please know that we don't offer health insurance, though," said Happy Hog founder Lance Barnes.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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