War on Insects edges closer to victory

Friday, 15 February 2019

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For millenia, humans have had to contend with annoying insects buzzing and biting and crawling amongst us. From wasp stings to spiders in the bath, from bed bugs to flies everywhere. Finally, the war is nearing an end.

Reports from around the world show a marked decline in the number of insects of all species. Geoff O'Keil from the group No Fly Zone was ecstatic.

"We've begun to defumigate the Earth," he said. "And soon we'll be able to declare the planet a pest-free zone. No beetles or ants or fleas or termites will ever bother us again. We'll be able to turn over rocks at the beach without finding evil six-legged creatures waiting for us."

Others were not so pleased. Environ-"mentalist" Tara La Boomdeay moaned, "Blah blah crucial ecosystem blah blah extinction event blah blah," before going off to hug a tree or something, literally.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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