The N.R.A. Goes Green With Blood-Spattered Plan

Written by Harry Klondike

Monday, 11 February 2019

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Washington D.C. The National Rifle Association is addressing climate change. In a bid to abandon its outdated message that everyone needs a Glock and an AR-15, in case they want to go on an impromptu hunting trip, they've made the move to a more prescient and realistic issue-ecological sustainability. This move doesn't stop there; they go so far as embracing, and, by some accounts, embellishing the very statistics they long sought to ignore. Here is the latest statement by the N.R.A.

The United States of America falls short where gun violence is concerned. Iraq statistically comes out ahead on annual firearm fatalities. As the globalist elite continue to soldier on with a militant communist agenda, and the terrorizing invasion from Mexico is underway; it is now more important than ever to arm yourself and those you love.

While we maintain that guns don't kill people, there is a clear correlation between firearm availability and death. Keep in mind that, on a planet with 7.7 billion people, we, as a species, aren't exactly caribou. If there were any other animal besides humans with such disproportionate numbers, a hunting season or extermination plan would be implemented.

Climate change is real. The cause is an imbalance of the human animal. While over-use of opiate-based drug deaths, acceptance of all forms of contraception, and the embrace of exotic sexual practices which do not lead to reproduction, play a helpful role, the attack on gun rights is an outrageous form of bigotry against gun enthusiasts.

With automobile deaths plummeting due to increased safety design, and tobacco use reaching a near all-time low, we can't afford to slam closed another door of escape where terminal overpopulation is concerned. We must have room to breathe clean invigorating Liberty into our lungs, and exhale the breath of life back into Mother Earth in gratitude.

Dump Green Peace, forget the Paris climate accord, and replace the inane ramblings of that feckless pansy Al Gore with the sweet ringing in the ears punctuated with glorious sounds of a rifle's report!

Support the N.R.A. If not for America, do it for the planet.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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