Written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Wednesday, 27 February 2019

Italian film director Sergio Leone III, the grandson of the fabled creator of Spaghetti Westerns, and with a promising future in his own right, has signed Donald Trump to the Clint Eastwood role in the remakes of three 1960s classic Leone films. Trump's contract is dependent upon his leaving office after completion, or before completion, of his current presidential term.

"When I first saw Trump on television during the presidential campaign in 2016, I knew he was just the actor for 'The Man with No Name,' the Eastwood role in 'A Fistful of Dollars.' It was that long black overcoat that Trump constantly wore, and still wears. That's more the Lee Van Cleef style than it was Eastwood in 'For a Few Dollars More,' but it will actually add a degree of gangster-ism to the Eastwood character.

"Keeping Trump quiet, speaking only a few words at a time, might be the sticking point," Leone said. "We can, of course, control his verbosity by deleting spoken lines."

What does Trump think of playing The Stranger who has No Name in the series? "You forget that I've had a lot of experience acting. 'The Apprentice' proved I can do it. Democrats think my first two years in the White House have been nothing but an act. If Schwarzenegger could come back from his terms as California's governor and be a star again, no reason I can't.

"But don't forget that the films will have to wait until 2025 if I choose to run again, which is likely. Because I won't lose."

Faced with that possibility, Leone moaned. "His long black overcoat will be worn out by then. But that might be an added touch, an aging Stranger with No Name in a frayed overcoat."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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