Popsicles Melting at Alarming Rate

Written by Chrissy Benson

Sunday, 10 February 2019

image for Popsicles Melting at Alarming Rate
A canine at an Oakland daycare center is helping children mitigate the most severe effects of global warming.

A daycare center in Oakland, California, experiencing the extreme effects of rising global temperatures, has reported that popsicles are melting at an alarming rate.

“Children are our future,” said daycare attendant Maria Vazquez, “and our kids are getting melted popsicles all over them. It’s a real mess. And it's only going to get worse.”

After-school assistant Josh Fine agreed. “People think that climate change is something we won’t have to worry about for years, unless you live somewhere like Venice or Bangladesh. But from what I see on a daily basis, based on these kids' faces streaked with green and purple and red, things are heating up as we speak.”

Fortunately, the daycare children themselves have maintained a consistent optimism and resiliency regarding their changing climate, demonstrating a remarkable ability to collaborate and adapt.

Said four-year-old Jack Siekiersky as the daycare’s resident canine, a mixed-breed rescue dog named Maggie, happily licked his popsicle-streaked face, “It’s not so bad. This way I get to share.”

He smiled, bearing his orange-stained teeth, and added, "Together we have magic powers. We can do anything."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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