There were 264 spoof news stories published in October 2018. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Judge Kavanaugh Set To Quash Bill Cosby Conviction
To celebrate his 'victory' in the Sexual Misconduct hearing against him, Judge Brett Kavanaugh has indicated that, as an act of goodwill, he intends to quash the guilty conviction against jailed comedian Bill Cosby, and set the funnyman free. Kava...
Read full storyBill Cosby Found With Two Drumsticks Shoved Up His Rectum
There were scenes of total panic at 'unlock' this morning, when jailed comedian, Bill Cosby, was found in his cell with a pair of drumsticks shoved up his anus. Cosby, star of 'The Cosby Show', and co-writer of the show's theme tune, 'Kiss Me', us...
Read full storyBird With Big Tits To Be Next Conservative Leader
In the fall-out of Prime Minister Theresa May's dancing debacle in Kenya last month, leading Conservatives have said that what's needed to carry their party forward, and to keep 'in step' and 'in tune' with the Great British public, is a woman with h...
Read full storyBill Cosby Doing 'Funny Face' Requests For Fellow Prisoners
Bill Cosby, the convicted sex assailant, who was recently sentenced to between 3 and 10 years behind bars for aggravated indecent sexual assault, has been entertaining his fellow prisoners with a display of his 'funny faces'. Cosby, 81, starred in...
Read full storyBill Cosby Is Being Forced To Watch Endless Repeats Of 'The Cosby Show'
Bill Cosby, the actor jailed for between 3 and 10 years for three counts of aggravated indecent sexual assault, has spent his first week behind bars, and, according to sources inside the prison, has been treated horrendously. Cosby, 81, was senten...
Read full storyWanna Develop a 'New' Hit TV Show?
Here's what you gotta do: 1. Forget about looking at the future or the present. People are interested in THE PAST these days. Look backward not forward and you'll do fine. 2. Remember: Same old, same old. Forget about innovation or being unique. Think reboot and you're sure to succeed. And stay away from Twitter and Facebook. You may say something stupid that will get you fired before yo...
Read full storyFatties on trains and planes complain, but bogs for 'skinnies' remain!
Be aware, this story is "utter shite", Ed. Even the most normal size people hate the thought of entering a bog on a plane or train, they stink! However, people who enjoy fast travelling and, very much fast food before boarding and, on board (ch...
Read full storyBill Cosby Jail Escape Latest
After what newspaper reports have already called 'The Cosby Redemption', women all across the United States were being warned to be 'extremely vigilant' this evening, after it was revealed that the jailed former comedian, Bill Cosby, had managed to o...
Read full storyDid Jesus Wear Socks and Sandals, or Did He Paint His Toenails?
It's the ultimate fashion faux pas, of course, but did the Lamb of God wear socks with his sandals? Was that part of the reason that Pontius Pilate agreed to crucify our saviour? What do you think? It's possible, as Nazareth's average January temper...
Read full storyJoe Bidet drums up votes in Sin City
Former Vice-President “Papa Joe” Bidet, mindful of the 2020 general election, visited Nevada to stake his future presidential bid on getting out the vote among illegal aliens, Antifa “protesters,” MS-13 gang members, and other “non-deplorables.” A...
Read full storyNew news anchor's "talent" sure to boost ratings, producer says
In an attempt to compete with Foxy Nudes, CeeBeeEss' “Diss Mornin'” program has added Brianna Gold-Digger to its lineup. The buxom beauty, known as much for her ample cleavage and her radiant smile as she is for her “gravitas,” will join co-stars mos...
Read full storyHalloween Movie Is Scariest Yet, And Might Well Make You Shit Your Pants
A new Halloween movie hits cinemas today, and, according to inside sources, it's the scariest scary movie ever to scare people! Starring several stars, 'Halloween, Or Something' is said to be SO scary, the film's producers are worried they might h...
Read full storyWasting water is "against our policy," Just Dunkin' insists
Dunkin' Donuts, ridiculed for changing its name to Just Dunkin' in what many media analysts (whatever the hell they are) believe was a publicity ploy, is back in the limelight because of the behavior of one of its Syracuse, New Yawk, employees. A...
Read full storyHannibal Lecter Seen Exiting Saudi Embassy With New Lampshade
BILLINGSGATE POST: A newly-released video showing forensic psychiatrist and taxidermist, Dr. Hannibal Lecter, carrying a lampshade out of the Saudi Embassy in Istanbul was released this morning as part of the probe into the disappearance of journa...
Read full storyNASA To Fly Trump To A Planet Of His Choice
There was a welcome diversion from his Saudi Arabian problems for President Donald Trump this morning, when NASA announced that they are to offer to make the US leader the 'first president in space' (FPIS). Indeed, not only will NASA help Trump b...
Read full storyAlgorithms Are Watching Your Every Move
A man has told of his fears about internet algorithms after he kept being bothered by advertisements that had been sent to his internet pages. Some of the adverts were 'associated' with subjects he had been reading about, but others were sent for...
Read full storyBill Cosby Gets Standing Ovation From Cellmate
It was a much more relaxed evening for jailed comedian, Bill Cosby, last night, as the 81-year-old former funnyman put on an impromptu performance to remember - even if it will only be remembered by one man, Cosby's cellmate, Thomas 'Frankie' Knuckle...
Read full storyChris Whine: "I was stiffed!"
Chris Whine was living up to his name, as he whined (again) that no one takes him seriously as an actor. “I should have won an Academy Award, or at least an Enema,” he complained, “for my latest role, as an asshole, in the made-for-TV movie, Double S...
Read full storyFlashpoint Narrowly Avoided In Local Market Square
A major controversy was narrowly averted earlier today, when a trader who normally sells flowers in a local town's market square was unable to do so due to circumstances utterly beyond her control. Miss Cobbit, the florist, has, for 40 years, sold...
Read full storyThe Simpsons In A Fix, As Apu Refuses To Leave
Producers of popular TV show, The Simpsons, are wracking their brains over what to do about its future tonight, after a planned axing of the Apu character went slightly askew, when Apu refused to leave. Citing 'contractual obligations', Apu has sa...
Read full storyNigerian Televangelist's Penis Is "The Longest In Africa"
A Nigerian televangelist operating in South Africa has told a courtroom that he has the longest penis in Africa. Timothy Osotomo, 60, is appearing before the court in Johannesburg on 90-odd counts of doing illegal sexy things, some of them with hi...
Read full storyRare Coin Arouses Interest On eBay
Coin collectors were in the news again earlier today, when an extremely rare 10p coin attracted the attentions of several serious bidders on auction website eBay. Or is it ebay? The coin, which is like MANY other 10p coins - in that, it has that...
Read full storyThe Universe Has Stopped Expanding
The universe, which has been expanding rapidly outward ever since the Big Bang, more than 13.8billion years ago, has stopped doing so, and, indeed, has started to contract. Having been rushing continually outward for such a long time, the universe...
Read full storyMohammed bin Salman flees to Turkey’s embassy in Riyadh
Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman (MbS), next in line to the King, is now reported taking refuge (or vanished) inside Turkey’s Embassy in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. This news comes following the controversy over Jamal Khashoggi’s disappearance inside th...
Read full storyJohnny Hallyday Album Sales Break All Records
The unprecedented success, during its first week of release, of the new album by French crooner, Johnny Hallyday, has stunned music critics, who have called on him to make a comeback, and start touring again. This is impossible, however, as he die...
Read full storyKanye West Has Gone Mad
After becoming half-mad last week and reducing the length of his first name by 60%, rapper Kanye West has achieved the 'full house' this week, and gone stark-raving bonkers. West spoke to reporters, and announced that he would be in Washington on...
Read full storyConor McGregor And Khabib Nurmagomedov To Patch Things Up
News has just reached us that the two fighters, Conor McGregor and Russian Khabib Nurmagomedov, have come to a mutual agreement about their 'fall-out' after their UFC lightweight world title fight earlier this month, and will meet on neutral ground t...
Read full storyMoon Almost Collided With Planet Earth!
A man on his way home to the Tapon commune in Battambang last night, was witness to an extraordinary incident in which the Moon very nearly collided with the Earth. Moys Kenwood, 55, was returning from hospital, having had a blood test, and provid...
Read full storyFire Chief In Trouble Over Improper Use Of Fire Engine And Crew
A Fire Chief in charge of a local fire station was in hot water earlier, after it was revealed he had used the station's fire engine and its crew improperly - to stick up bill posters for the Firemen's Brass Band Concert! Captain Flack, of Trumpt...
Read full storyMan "Very Disappointed" In 'Mrs Brown's Boys'
A man watched the first ten minutes of so-called 'comedy laughter show' 'Mrs. Brown's Boys' at the weekend, before he was forced to turn it off, so diabolically unfunny was it. Watching the tripe on the recommendation of his half-sister's husband,...
Read full storyConor McGregor Suspended For Being A Complete And Utter Twat
Fresh from his recent stunning defeat at the hands of the Russian, Khabib Nurmagomedov, former UFC featherweight and lightweight champion, Conor McGregor, has been suspended from all forms of fighting, for being a complete and utter twat. This inc...
Read full storyMexico To Send 5,200 Troops To US Border
The Mexican government has said in a statement released at lunchtime today, that it is to deploy 5,200 troops to its border with the USA, to counter the 5,200 US troops President Donald Trump says he is sending there as part of Operation Faithful Pat...
Read full storyBill Cosby Sweater Sale To Be Held To Fund His Coke Habit
In what's been called by some, "despicable", the family of jailed sex offender, Bill Cosby, are to be allowed to send vast amounts of money to the former comedian, so that he can fund his Coke habit. The cash is to be raised by selling off his la...
Read full storyHillbilly Clinton: “If nominated I will not run, but I will win!”
Two-time loser Hillary “Hillbilly” Clinton, 71, recently said, “the third time's the charm, and I expect to win the presidency in 2020.” Clinton lost the 2008 primary election to Baroque Insane Obummer. She lost again, in the 2016 general election...
Read full storyNew 'Planet Of The Apes' Movie Out In December!
There was great news for fans of the 'Planet of the Apes' movie series today, when it was announced that a new film would be in cinemas from December. 'The Struggle for the Sexuality of the Planet of the Apes' is a 41st-century tale of what goes w...
Read full storyBill Cosby Trades Rights to 'Fat Albert' to Fellow Convict for Warm Blanket
SCI Phoenix, Pennsylvania State Prison Bill Cosby has been adjusting to life in prison. Although his obvious dislike of his surroundings can be easily seen on his twisted face, he has learned how to barter with his fellow inmates to get what he needs...
Read full storyBill Cosby Subjected To Evil Name-calling By Fellow Inmates
Bill Cosby, who used to be a comedian, but isn't laughing anymore, is being subjected to almost-constant name-calling by his fellow inmates, I understand. Cosby, 81, was jailed for between 3 and 10 years for aggravated indecent sexual assault, but...
Read full storyPresident Trump To Change The Ending Of 'In The Heat Of The Night' (1967)
In the latest of a series of ultraradical Right-leaning decisions, US President Donald Trump has decided to change the ending of the highly-influential 1967 Norman Jewison movie, 'In The Heat Of The Night'. The movie starring Rod Steiger and Sidne...
Read full storyCollege Faculty Walk-out Becomes Epic Fail!
A recent adjunct faculty walkout at Eastern Omaha Community College abruptly ended today beneath a burning Nebraska sun. For the past week, 273 adjunct (part-time) faculty had been marching back and forth between the parking lot and administration bu...
Read full storyMorrissey Still A 'Loner'
Fans of The Smiths are all on-edge this week, as they anxiously await the new solo album by the group's former frontman, Steven Patrick Morrissey. The album, 'Me, Myself, I, Nobody Else' is released on November 1, and will be followed by a single...
Read full storyKavanaugh To Get His Own TV Show About 'Lying'
Judge Brett Kavanaugh, the man who was cleared by a 'select panel' of any sexual wrongdoing, either in the past or in the future, has reportedly been approached to host his very own television show about lying. It's understood that Kavanaugh is th...
Read full storyCalifornia Passes Law Granting Full Legal Rights to Those who Identify as Animals
California Legislature has just passed the Furry Acceptance Act, a law that, among other things, requires furries to be admitted to local zoos, and Governor Jerry Brown signed it into law this morning. To those in furry communities, this is a maj...
Read full storyStudent Determined To Become Astronaut After Passing Exam
Dickfield University. Jessica Finley, a 21-year-old undergraduate student with a beautiful personality, a 'perfectly-shaped' and 'well-formed' academic background, firm study habits, and really big qualifications, has decided that she wants to becom...
Read full story'Mission Impossible' Was A Terrible Name For The Show
The 1960s drama 'Mission Impossible' was the most poorly-named TV show of its time, according to a man who enjoys thinking about pointless bullshit. The theme of the series, which ran from 1966 to 1973, was that a team of secret American agents -...
Read full storyTrump’s brain removed in routine maintenance for lube and oil change plus size assessment
Mr. Trump is currently at rest in a dark room at The White House with a bandana across his eyes. A crack team of scientists from MIT has quickly removed his brain and will replace it (some say) with application of krazy glue. The President fore...
Read full storyFan Hates U2 Because They Are Popular
A local man who grew up loving U2, hates them now because they are popular. “U2 used to be awesome until everyone else started liking them, then they became awful,” said the man, Kevin Stevens. “I liked them when they were young and up-and-coming,...
Read full storySaudi Crown Prince "Is A Naughty Boy" King Salman Announces
A spokesman for King Salman bin Abdulaziz Al Saud of Saudi Arabia revealed today that Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman is currently confined to his bedroom and has had his pocket money stopped while the disappearance of Saudi journalist Jamal Khashog...
Read full storyNetfix cancels Luke Cage; superhero not happy
Netfix has said no to a new season of Cap'n Marvell Studios' Luke Cage, a jive-action comic strip starring somebody named Mike Coltrane (no relation to John) as the crime-fighting superhero. Although Netfix executives were vague in saying why the...
Read full storyProlific Use of Quotation Marks Lends Nashville Professor Additional Academic Panache
Following what had until then been a rather lackluster and even “dry” academic career, Jake Hanson, Professor of Urban Studies at Nashville's Tennessee State University, discovered that the prolific use of quotation marks in his published works subst...
Read full storyMoviegoers Excited To Sleep Through “First Man”
Fans of sleeping in comfortable movie chairs are excited about the upcoming release of First Man, the latest in the Hollywood tradition of boring movies about space, "We're proud of First Man," said producer, Robert Weinberger. "We think it's th...
Read full storyThe Balham Tourist Board Guide for Japanese Visitors
Shopping. Balham is a Mecca for discerning shoppers from as far away as Tooting, and until the 1980s, even boasted its own "private shop", handily situated within two minutes' walk of the local secondary school. Unfortunately, concerned citizens, or "busybodies", as any self-respecting connoisseur of BDSM, unusual practices, and loose morals would call them, successfully campaigned to close it dow...
Read full storyBaseball Match Was Very Interesting, Especially Towards The End
The baseball match between the Los Angeles Dodgems and the Boston Red Socks has ended, and was very, very interesting. The two sides met in the third bout of a 7-bout series called the World Series. Boston had won the first two conflicts. The B...
Read full storyKanye West To Leave US
The rapper and politician, Kanye West, who recently commented that the 13th Amendment of the US Constitution - which deals with slavery - should be abolished, has announced he is to leave the United States to live abroad. West recently replied to...
Read full storyPiers Morgan Isn't Very Nice
Piers Morgan, the host of TV's 'Good Morning Britain' show, has been widely-criticised for his own rather critical comments about Daniel Craig carrying his daughter in a 'papoose', but, in fairness, he has his reasons. Morgan, a complete twat, cal...
Read full storyMan In Trouble Over Late Return Of Library Book
A man who returned a library book after its 'return by' date is in trouble with the authorities in Hull. Moys Kenwood from the city, borrowed 'Favorite Dishes Of Iran' from Hull Central Library in October 2013, knowing full well that it had to be...
Read full storyRoyal Wedding TV Channel To Be Launched
The BBC are set to launch a brand new Royal Wedding Channel which will cover every Royal Wedding ever televised. These would include: Princess Eugenie v. Jack Brooksbank Prince Harry v. Meghan Markle Prince William v. Catherine 'Kate' Mi...
Read full storyNew Zealand Air Force buys half an F35 fighter jet
The American Air Force has grounded its whole fleet of F35 fighter jets, described as the most sophisticated and expensive in the history of combat aviation. Media reports suggest that the Trump administration has found a legitimate excuse to get rid...
Read full storyBill Cosby Is A Victim Of 'The Law' (Or He Might Be, But We'll Never Know For Sure)
Bill Cosby, the black comedian, who was jailed as a result of being found guilty of, is a victim of 'Law', and should be freed immediately. The law, in most countries, decrees that people thought to have broken the law with regard to 'serious crime', should go to prison. This is where the Law makes its biggest mistake. Before we get to that, however, we must first establish that a person...
Read full storyDemocrats Look to Jesus to Win Elections
Democrats, sick of losing to Republicans, have launched a new political campaign strategy to take back Jesus. Back in the 1960s and 1970s, the left-wing hippies loved Jesus. With their long hair and flowing garments, they even looked like Jesus. W...
Read full storyTV Drama 'Life Of The Tiger Lady' Is "Absolutely Fucking Shite", Claims Man
A TV drama broadcast in Thailand, but beamed into homes in other Asian locations, is "absolutely fucking shite" according to one man who viewed it in Cambodia. 'Life Of The Tiger Lady' is typical of other Thai TV drama shows, which show a complete...
Read full storyJudge Kavanaugh: “I Am An Independent, Impartial Judge That Just So Happens to Hate Democrats”
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In an attempt to clear his name, Judge Brett Kavanaugh penned a column in the Wall Street Journal. He started by saying, “I am an independent, impartial judge that just so happens to hate Democrats. I hate them with the force and f...
Read full storyAdverbs Heatedly Blast Stephen King for Causing Them to Be Summarily Dismissed by Modern-Day Authors
Adverbs everywhere have vocally and publicly come out against best-selling author Stephen King, blaming him for their summary dismissal by many modern-day writers. “Thanks to him, we’re being edited out of the game,” lamented adverb Beverly Passio...
Read full storyMan Fell Off Motorbike Into Pile Of Cow Dung
Poor weather conditions in the Battambang area that left some roads barely passable, and others extremely treacherous, were the cause of several accidents on Monday, and one, in particular, involving a man who fell from a motorbike into a pile of cow...
Read full storyHarry Maguire To Feature On New £50 Note?
The news that the government has reversed its decision to scrap the £50 note, has met with cheer, and a call from football fans to include upon the note the face of England player, Harry Maguire, the team's hero at the Russia World Cup. The note...
Read full storyBenghazi and Brett Kavanaugh
Two-year investigation on Benghazi at the cost of over eight million dollars, but only a four-day investigation on an accused sex offender, perjurer, and drunk who believes he is entitled to a chair on the Supreme Court. Ignore the forty witnesses who could have supported Dr. Christine Blasey Ford’s testimony, and give Kavanaugh a chair. A Kavanaugh chair to the Supreme Court is worse than 9/1...
Read full storyApprentice Review: Apprentice Candidates Reach Peak Self Entitlement
It's Apptober again! The Apprentice has returned for another season and this year the candidates are more hapless than ever. Take IT Consultant Prakash, who has a very unique way of producing wealth. "I ooze wealth from my every pore." Explains Praka...
Read full storySaudi Arabia Promises To Retrieve Body For Funeral Of Jamal Khashoggi
There was more controversy in the Jamal Khashoggi situation today, when the Washington Post contributor's fiancée asked for her betrothed's body to be returned for burial. Mr Khashoggi entered the Saudi Arabian consulate on 2 October, and died, in...
Read full storyRobert Rundo Arrested By Rozzers
The white supremacist, Robert Rundo, has been arrested in California for inciting riots, and excessive use of the letter 'r'. Rundo, the really rather revolting Right-wing rebel renegade, and originator of the Rise Above Movement (RAM), has routi...
Read full storySouth African Government Minister Confirms What Everyone Thinks of Politicians
South Africa's security services have been accused of hacking a politician's phone after a private sex tape emerged. South Africans are gleefully sharing the video on WhatsApp and Home Affairs Minister Mr Gigaba apologised on Twitter to his family af...
Read full storyConor McGregor And Khabib Nurmagomedov To Join Search For Jamal Khashoggi
After the disgraceful scenes in the US earlier this month, many people would probably find it difficult to believe that Conor McGregor and Khabib Nurmagomedov could spend more than 10 seconds in each other's company without fisticuffs, so the idea th...
Read full storyPresident Trump Floats Slavery Idea
President Donald Trump has indicated at a meeting with Republican colleagues, that, as a way of solving problems in the employment sector, he "would not totally oppose" the idea of a return to slavery on a limited scale. The news had an earth-shat...
Read full storyShock! Museum of the Bible's Dead Sea Scrolls Fragments are "Forgeries"
Washington's Museum of the Bible has announced that five of its most prized artefacts – valuable fragments in its collection of Dead Sea Scrolls – are forgeries and will no longer be displayed unlike other artefacts of dodgy origin. German researc...
Read full storyObscene Word Wins Scrabble World Championship
The Scrabble World Championship being held at the Westfield centre in west London on Sunday, was won after a 5-hour battle, using a word that, frankly, I find difficult to repeat here. Amqold Scdgwipk, 53, from Tipperary in Ireland, sat opposite…
Read full storyNevada Brothels to be turned into places of worship
Nevada brothel owners have seen the light after the death of one of its most infamous owners and have all decided to turn their whore-houses into 'Homes of God' after seeing the light after years of seeing only the 'red light!' Punters turning up...
Read full storyHeaven Moving?
In an effort to address major declines in new membership and a increase in the number of people leaving the church, the college of bishops has put together a list of potential marketing ideas, and is awaiting the office of the papacy. "In light...
Read full storyBill Cosby Unveils His Jailbird Jazz Sextet
If you hear some coolnotes coming at you in the vicinity of the Pennsylvania State Correctional Institution Phoenix, it's probably the supercool and sexy, funky jazz sound of the Jailbird Jazz Sextet, the brainchild of jailed former comedian, Bill Co...
Read full storyTrump explains rogue bone saw “hypnosis” responsible for Khashoggi problem in Turkey
Mindful of the importance of Saudi Arabia’s economic influence, Mr. Trump has chosen to support the Saudi Regime’s explanations. At stake are munitions sales for the war in Yemen plus control of oil prices, particularly important now due to animos...
Read full storyJamal Khashoggi Lucan Spotted Playing In Goal At Barking Rovers Match
London, UK - There are reports this weekend that the self-styled Houdini-artiste may have ‘faked’ his disappearance at a Turkish bath somewhere in The Phosphorous - eh, Bosphorus - a bit like Lord Lucan in 1974. The news comes amid ‘sightings’ of...
Read full storyToilet Was 'Out Of Order', But Man Was Desperate
A toilet that was displaying an 'Out Of Order' sign was the scene of an unsavoury incident in Hull recently, when a man who was shopping in the city centre realized he was desperate for a babber. Moys Kenwood, 55, was ambling vacantly around the P…
Read full storyYale University: All Students To Have Sex Organ(s) Tattooed With ID Number
BILLINGSGATE POST: Deborah Ramirez, the former Yale coed who rhetorically fingered her now-famous classmate’s penis at a frat house party at Yale some thirty years ago, admitted that she was very intoxicated at the time. To be sure, most female stud...
Read full storyTrump Signs Executive Order Making Himself Dictator For Life
In a move that has been widely praised by Republican leaders, Donald "The Antichrist" Trump has signed an executive piece of legislation declaring himself to be a full-blown Adolf Hitler-style dictator. The document authorizes him to print all the...
Read full storyCon Conference: Theresa May Dances. Again. Kill Me.
Theresa May faced up to those poking fun at her at Conference today by actually doing the thing that she considers to be dancing onto the stage. The Prime Minister confronted perceived humiliations she has suffered recently, none more so than when...
Read full storyJoketsuzoku Warriors Splash Trump, McConnell, Kavanaugh with Nyannichuan Water
WASHINGTON D.C. - Chaos erupted in the nation's capital as elite members of the Joketsuzoku splashed President Donald Trump, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, and Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh with Nyannichuan water from the cursed springs of Jusenkyo. The Joketsuzoku, a tribe of female warriors embedded deep in the deepest mountainous regions of China, were rumored to have died o...
Read full storyElastic In Man's Underpants Went Slack
There was almost an embarrassing situation for one man at a school in Battambang this morning, when, standing teaching students in a science class, he felt the elastic in his underpants slacken, and then the unmistakable feeling of sagging, as they s...
Read full storyPresident Trump And Judge Kavanaugh To Meet About Propriety Of 'To Kill A Mockingbird' And Others
President Trump and Judge Brett Kavanaugh are to schedule a meeting during which they will consider the 'propriety' of certain contentious books in American literature, including the Harper Lee 'Deep South in the Depression' classic, 'To Kill A Mocki...
Read full storyPresident Trump To Go To Saudi Arabia To Sort Things Out
US President Donald Trump, has told senior members of the Republican administration he is to go to Saudi Arabia to personally deal with the investigation into the disappearance of the Washington Post journalist, Jamal Khashoggi. Mr Trump, who doe...
Read full storyWitches Spell On Kavanaugh Proof Of Witch Hunt Says Trump
Donald Trump has reiterated his use of the term "witch-hunt" after actual witches placed a spell on Supreme Court Judge Brett Kavanaugh. Having had the same thing happen to himself last year, the President appeared even more emboldened than usual...
Read full storySupreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh Reports Stigmata from Contentious Senate Confirmation Hearings
The newest United States Supreme Court Justice, Brett Kavanaugh, reported that during the contentious confirmation hearings before the Senate Judiciary Committee during which he was forced to defend himself against accusations of sexual misconduct ma...
Read full storyBBC News Hacked By Russia
Russian hackers are believed to be behind the 'technical glitch' that threw the BBC into disarray yesterday afternoon just after 3pm. For a while, the channel played recorded 'old news', but this backfired when the main news featured the death of...
Read full storyBrett Kavanaugh Transforms Into The Hulk
The floor of the Senate was the site of a series of astonishing superhero-related battles as Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh transformed into The Incredible Hulk before the astonished eyes of the assembled Senate Judiciary Committee and the new...
Read full storyMarriages Where One Of The Couple Shits The Bed, More Likely To End In Divorce - Study
Marriages where one of the couples shits the bed, are more likely to end in divorce, says a study I made up off the top of my head today. Divorce rates worldwide have soared over the last 20 years, but it's amongst the bedshitting community that s...
Read full storyChargers And Titans Fascinate Crowd In Wembley Spectacular
England got a further taste of 'American Gridiron' at Wembley Stadium this weekend, with another engrossing contest between a team called the Tennessee Chargers and another one called the Los Angeles Titans. The hallowed turf had to be ruined, som...
Read full storyJudge Kavanaugh Is Going Out For Drinks On Friday Night, Women Warned
Newly-confirmed US Supreme Court judge, Brett Kavanaugh, is to meet with friends 'for a few drinks' on Friday evening, and women have been warned to keep their distance. Judge Kavanaugh, who was cleared by a select committee of any sexual wrongdoi...
Read full storySheogorath, Daedric Prince of Madness: “Those Pro-Lifers Are Out of Their Damned Minds”
NEW SHEOTH, THE SHIVERING ISLES – Sheogorath, the Daedric Prince of Madness, invited news reporters from MSNBC, CNN, CBS, ABC, Comedy Central, TBS, HBO, The Onion, and The Spoof to attend a press conference in New Sheoth, Sheogorath's home in the Shivering Isles. According to Tamriel lore, Sheogorath has spent countless millennia interfering with the lives of mortals, with acts ranging from mak...
Read full storySaudi Arabia To X-RAY Stomachs Of Assassination Team
BILLINGSGATE POST: Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman assured Secretary of State Mike Pompeo that he would provide X-rays of the stomachs of his assassination team to prove they didn’t dispose of Jamal Khashoggi by eating his body parts. Altho...
Read full storyJamal Khashoggi Fable To Be Included In New Version Of 'The 1001 Arabian Nights'
'The 1001 Nights' or, as it is often known, 'The Arabian Nights', have been revised, and a new version will be released on Tuesday which will include a new tale, Accidental Death of a Writer, which is an adaptation of the Jamal Khashoggi case. The...
Read full storyTrump On Jamal Khashoggi: "No Body, No Murder"
US President, Donald Trump, has spoken to reporters at the White House about the strange and mysterious disappearance of Jamal Khashoggi, who has not been seen since he entered the Saudi Arabian consulate in Istanbul on 2 October. Trump said: "I'm...
Read full storyJamal Khashoggi - Nose Found
Police in Istanbul have announced that a member of the public walked into a police station in the city yesterday, and handed in a nose which, it was claimed, looks like that of the murdered Saudi Arabian dissident journalist, Jamal Khashoggi. The...
Read full storyThe Camel Did It: Khashoggi Murder Solved
BILLINGSGATE POST: In the Middle East, where internecine intrigue is known to cloud even the most obvious solution, it is quite possible that both the Turkish government and the Saudi royalty have already made a deal that neatly absolves any connect...
Read full storyYou Too Can Be a Heterosexual, Bisexual, Homosexual, Pansexual, Quintessexual Lesbian.
Life used to be so simple when I was growing up. Male, female, heterosexual - that was it, as far as I knew. Then I began work in the NHS, where my youthful good looks attracted more than just student nurses, but that's another story, although I did resolutely resist the attentions of lecherous male colleagues with "alternative" lifestyles. These days, who knows what anybody is? So, I have rebr...
Read full storyOld-Testament God Creates 11th Commandment: “Thou Shalt Not Engage in Victim Blaming, You Sadistic Morons”
WASHINGTON D.C. - Emerging from the heavens amidst a flurry of lightning and ferocious winds, the Old-Testament God, commonly known as Yahweh, descended upon the United States Congress. “I am the Lord thy God,” Yahweh bellowed, shaking the ground...
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