Wasting water is "against our policy," Just Dunkin' insists

Funny story written by Gee Pee

Tuesday, 2 October 2018


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"I'm not wasted," Youngz insists during a rare lucid moment.

Dunkin' Donuts, ridiculed for changing its name to Just Dunkin' in what many media analysts (whatever the hell they are) believe was a publicity ploy, is back in the limelight because of the behavior of one of its Syracuse, New Yawk, employees.

A naked homeless man, J., who asked to remain anonymous, passed out while waiting for his cell 'phone to charge. (He'd plugged the device into a Just Dunkin' outlet to filch electricity.)

“How many times have I told you not to pass out in here?” a Just Dunkin' worker, demanded, calling J. a slang term for the anus. Then, the employee doused the unconscious bum with a pitcher of water, saying, “You stink! It's time you had a bath.”

J. gathered his soaked belongings—a plastic straw wrapped in paper and a used coffee cup lid—and staggered out of the facility as his tormentors and others laughed at him, some pointing to his small penis.

Two hundred former Just Dunkin' patrons gathered outside outside the location, and a bleeding-heart do-gooder opened a PokeFundsAtMe account to collect charitable donations. The money was used to buy J. “some really spiffy clothes,” a dozen donuts, a 'phone charger, and a Just Dunkin' franchise of his own.

Just Dunkin' suspended the employees, pending an investigation of the incident. “Their behavior, if it happened, not only violated our written policies, but goes against our core values as an organization,” a spokesperson spoke. “We do not waste water on human derelicts, no matter how bad they smell.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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