Wasting water is "against our policy," Just Dunkin' insists

Funny story written by Gee Pee

Tuesday, 2 October 2018

Hey!

The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Wasting water is "against our policy," Just Dunkin' insists
"I'm not wasted," Youngz insists during a rare lucid moment.

Dunkin' Donuts, ridiculed for changing its name to Just Dunkin' in what many media analysts (whatever the hell they are) believe was a publicity ploy, is back in the limelight because of the behavior of one of its Syracuse, New Yawk, employees.

A naked homeless man, J., who asked to remain anonymous, passed out while waiting for his cell 'phone to charge. (He'd plugged the device into a Just Dunkin' outlet to filch electricity.)

“How many times have I told you not to pass out in here?” a Just Dunkin' worker, demanded, calling J. a slang term for the anus. Then, the employee doused the unconscious bum with a pitcher of water, saying, “You stink! It's time you had a bath.”

J. gathered his soaked belongings—a plastic straw wrapped in paper and a used coffee cup lid—and staggered out of the facility as his tormentors and others laughed at him, some pointing to his small penis.

Two hundred former Just Dunkin' patrons gathered outside outside the location, and a bleeding-heart do-gooder opened a PokeFundsAtMe account to collect charitable donations. The money was used to buy J. “some really spiffy clothes,” a dozen donuts, a 'phone charger, and a Just Dunkin' franchise of his own.

Just Dunkin' suspended the employees, pending an investigation of the incident. “Their behavior, if it happened, not only violated our written policies, but goes against our core values as an organization,” a spokesperson spoke. “We do not waste water on human derelicts, no matter how bad they smell.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more