Mr. Trump is currently at rest in a dark room at The White House with a bandana across his eyes.
A crack team of scientists from MIT has quickly removed his brain and will replace it (some say) with application of krazy glue.
The President foresaw that during the week involving the Kavanaugh Case he would have time for long-awaited maintenance on his brain.
“While they’re at it, let them measure the thing,” he said, “so I can shut up all those people who do not believe my brain is very, very large.”
Last week, at a news conference, Mr. Trump said China respects him due to his “very, very large brain.”
This assessment set Twitter ablaze with skepticism, and is consistent with remarks Mr. Trump has made previously about being “a stable genius” and “very, very smart.”
Dr. Marvin Silo, leader of the MIT team, has come forward to announce results of the study attending this maintenance job on the President.
He explained to reporters that, as with digital equipment, dust needs to be vacuumed occasionally to prevent sticking, repetition, contradiction, and other possible malfunctions.
During this brain removal operation, under his bandana, the President was heard to mutter, “Send Rod over, I think it’s time for a deal.”
Speculation has it that Deputy Attorney General Mr. Rosenstein’s recent woes might be eased if the FBI were to play along with getting Mr. Kavanaugh confirmed to the Supreme Court.
However, a new stipulation in the Constitution states: “The President is not responsible for mutterings when in a state of unconsciousness due to brain removal upkeep.”
Meanwhile, Dr. Silo has indicated the size of Mr. Trump’s brain is considerably smaller than the average brain in the current iteration of homo sapiens.
“The size is more relevant to one of our ancestors,” Dr. Silo stated, “as with homo erectus or homo habilis.”
“However! Size is not necessarily indicative. Notice the phenomenon of the child genius, when the brain itself is quite small!”
With brain replaced, and informed of these developments, Mr. Trump responded:
“Yes, well, it’s fine with me, and just beautiful, that as it turns out I’m a child genius. But, of course, a grown-up child genius.”
According to a spokesperson for the Chinese President, Mr. Xi is impressed that Mr. Trump’s elevation to the position of US President has been accompanied by so much self-congratulation.
He has been reminded of an ancient Chinese proverb:
“Raise your sail one foot and you get ten feet of wind.”
