A Nigerian televangelist operating in South Africa has told a courtroom that he has the longest penis in Africa.
Timothy Osotomo, 60, is appearing before the court in Johannesburg on 90-odd counts of doing illegal sexy things, some of them with his penis. One of the things, is raping Cheryl Z, now 22, who was only 14 at the time.
Mr Osomoto has a name in which the letter 'o' appears far too regularly for my liking, and his lawyer, Peter Daubermann has a name like a doggy.
During his cross-examination of Ms. Z, Daubermann was a bit too enthusiastic about his task, and asked her:
"How far were you penetrated by my client?"
There was a riot all across South Africa.
Then, Ms. Z asked for clarification, and Dauberman provided it:
"In centimeters, if you will."
The judge, Mandela Makaula, asked:
"How could she know that?"
"She could have felt it, and made a mental measurement."
Outside, there was a roar, followed by looting.
The judge told Daubermann that if he didn't curb his line of questioning, he'd be put on a leash.
At this point, Pastor Otosomo said:
"It may not yet be my turn to speak, but I have the longest penis in Africa, if that's any help."
Pastor Otomoso was keen to provide evidence of his unusual claim, but the judge said that, under the circumstances, this would not be necessary.
Only some of the information in this story is accurate.