Johnny Hallyday Album Sales Break All Records

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 28 October 2018

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Old Blue Eyes

The unprecedented success, during its first week of release, of the new album by French crooner, Johnny Hallyday, has stunned music critics, who have called on him to make a comeback, and start touring again.

This is impossible, however, as he died in 2017.

The album is called 'Mon pays c'est l'amour', which means something in French.

In the first 7 days (1 semaine) of its release, it sold 780,177 disques, a record. Crowds started to gather outside record shops two weeks before the album was due to be released, and, in some places, huge queues snaked around the town (ville) - some up to five miles (huit kilomètres) long.

Difficult to pigeonhole, Hallyday was, at times, a cross between Dean Martin and Einstürzende Neubauten; at others, his songs remind one of the jamming session that would have resulted had Lena Martell and The Wurzles been placed in the same room: ridiculous, yet, somehow sublime.

An official from the French Ministry of Music has already said that, if sales top the one million mark, the government will, almost certainly, make Johnny's birthday - June 15 - a national holiday.

This would be known as the Hallyday Holiday (vacançes d'Hallyday).

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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