Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 1 October 2018

image for The Universe Has Stopped Expanding
Space - getting smaller

The universe, which has been expanding rapidly outward ever since the Big Bang, more than 13.8billion years ago, has stopped doing so, and, indeed, has started to contract.

Having been rushing continually outward for such a long time, the universe has covered some ground, and its radius - so extensive it has to be measured in time rather than in distance is 46.6billion light-years.

Nevertheless, scientists are now convinced the expansion of the universe is complete, and some even say that a small, but steady, contraction has begun.

If this proves to be the case, it will only be a matter of time before the whole universe comes rolling back on itself, consuming itself and billions of planets and stars as it goes, gaining speed and energy until, approximately 13.8billion years from now (if the previous rate of expansion is anything to go by), it arrives back at its point of origin, and disappears up its own ass in the second Big Bang - which may, indeed, be louder than the first.

But try not to worry; you won't be around to hear it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!





Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
59 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more