Shock! Museum of the Bible's Dead Sea Scrolls Fragments are "Forgeries"

Funny story written by Paxton Quigley

Wednesday, 24 October 2018

image for Shock! Museum of the Bible's Dead Sea Scrolls Fragments are "Forgeries"
"Oh my god, they wrote it in English!"

Washington's Museum of the Bible has announced that five of its most prized artefacts – valuable fragments in its collection of Dead Sea Scrolls – are forgeries and will no longer be displayed unlike other artefacts of dodgy origin.

German researchers tested five of the museum’s 16 fragments, bought by the billionaire businessman and museum founder Steve Green, and determining they showed “characteristics inconsistent with ancient origin”. Experts had warned Green that trade in Dead Sea Scrolls is awash with forgeries.

The Museum of the Bible’s opening was mired in controversy over its display of the fragments and its association with Green, an evangelical Christian idiot.

Dr Jeffrey Klutz, the chief curator for the Museum of the Bible said “This is an opportunity to educate the public on the importance of verifying the authenticity of rare biblical artefacts.

"Visitors to the museum can be confident in the authenticity of the remainder of our exhibits, including the swaddling from Jesus' manger, some stuffed giraffes from Noah's ark and King David's foreskin."

In July 2017, Green's company Hobby Lobby agreed to forfeit over 5,500 artefacts smuggled out of Iraq following a federal investigation. Thou shalt not steal apparently.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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