South African Government Minister Confirms What Everyone Thinks of Politicians

Written by Paxton Quigley

Monday, 29 October 2018

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"Oh baby! Guess what I've got in my hand...Oh! Oh! OH!!!"

South Africa's security services have been accused of hacking a politician's phone after a private sex tape emerged. South Africans are gleefully sharing the video on WhatsApp and Home Affairs Minister Mr Gigaba apologised on Twitter to his family after his wife threw him out of the house.

The 13-second video of Malusi Gigaba masturbating on his own was widely circulated and Mr Gigaba's spokesman accused security services of stealing the video from his phone. He also accused an opposition politician of leaking it.

"Mr Gigaba will be taking legal action for theft of an intimate video which was intended for his girlfriends' use. This is a vendetta against the Honourable Minister by a rival who is jealous of the minister's girlfriends, the size of his penis and the amount of ejaculate he can produce. Many of his female staff can attest to that."

The spokesman said that the minister had started getting blackmail threats last year. Mr Gigaba said he had refused to entertain blackmail attempts although he seems to have entertained everyone in South Africa.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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