Obscene Word Wins Scrabble World Championship

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 30 October 2018

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Grzzchych Smppt: magnanimous in defeat

The Scrabble World Championship being held at the Westfield centre in west London on Sunday, was won after a 5-hour battle, using a word that, frankly, I find difficult to repeat here.

Amqold Scdgwipk, 53, from Tipperary in Ireland, sat opposite Grzzchych Smppt from Zwychynyk in Poland, in a gargantuan 'best of three' struggle that produced a cacophonic tumblance of wordage that most people had never heard of.

Scdgwipk won the first game, but Smppt levelled to take the final into an exciting decider. The exhausted players retired for a much-needed toilet break, and, for Scdgwipk, it worked wonders, as he emerged victorious due mainly to his employment, halfway through the game, of the word 'lickspittle', having been left 'lick' by his opponent. This scored him 38 points.

The title was still in doubt, however, until Scdgwipk, in a move to the corner - and a Triple Word Score square - contributed the seldom-used expletive, 'titwank', worth 42 points, and the championship was his!

Smppt was magnanimous in defeat, saying:

"I bow to his superior Scrabblemongering. He came up with a big word when it mattered. But I'll be qwarted pvib suckless if erg fony shardet bhog!"

For Scdgwipk, also last year's winner, it was just deserts for a year of hard work staring endlessly at lists of otherwise-meaningless words. He said:

"I was beginning to think it was all over for me for a minute. But then, I looked up and saw Grzzchych's cleavage, and I knew it was in the bag!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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