Written by Wesley Janson

Tuesday, 16 October 2018

image for Student Determined To Become Astronaut After Passing Exam

Dickfield University. Jessica Finley, a 21-year-old undergraduate student with a beautiful personality, a 'perfectly-shaped' and 'well-formed' academic background, firm study habits, and really big qualifications, has decided that she wants to become an Astronaut after passing her first Astronomy exam last Friday.

Jessica told reporters that the 'C-' she earned on the test gave her the confidence she needed in order to completely abandon her major in 'General Studies' so that she can fully pursue a fascinating career in Outer Space Exploration.

When asked to describe the first exam in her Introduction to Astronomy class, she said that it was really big, long, and hard.

"I couldn't believe just how big, long, and hard it was," she stated. "I've never had one that enormous before."

Jessica went on to explain that she finds the topic of Astronomy very exciting even though the amount of information she has to remember is sometimes overwhelming.

"It really is too much to swallow all at once," she claimed. "My mind can't absorb information that fast, so I just have to let it dribble in slowly."

Reporters then asked Jessica how she faces the constant challenge of leading a balanced academic and social life.

"I try my best to 'pull it off,'" she replied. "But it can be hard to 'stay on top' sometimes because college life is full of 'UPS' and 'DOWNS' as well as 'INS' and 'OUTS.' Despite the stress, however, I stay healthy by eating plenty of vegetables. They taste good. And I figure that if something tastes good, then you should put it in your mouth," she added.

To provide a concrete example of her study habits, Jessica stated that she begins preparing for each exam three days in advance. When she feels that she has studied enough, she focuses on cleaning chores in order to keep her mind occupied.

"I often clean my apartment right before each exam. It keeps me from sitting around and feeling nervous," she explained. "But I had some problems last time because I shook up my bottle of cleaning spray a little too hard. The cap exploded and liquid spurted out all over the place. I also didn't have a broom or a mop to clean my floor, so I had to use a sponge. What can I say? Sometimes you just have to get down on your knees and really go at it."

Feeling extremely proud of passing a difficult exam that she originally thought she would fail, Jessica Finley now looks forward to an amazing future in which she will use highly advanced scientific knowledge and technology to explore the rest of the Universe.

Her 24-year-old boyfriend, Josh Conley, who earned a '6 out of 10' on his last General Math quiz at Pocketstroke Community College and now plans on becoming a Nuclear Engineer, fully supports her decision.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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