The Camel Did It: Khashoggi Murder Solved

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Saturday, 20 October 2018

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The Usual Suspect

BILLINGSGATE POST: In the Middle East, where internecine intrigue is known to cloud even the most obvious solution, it is quite possible that both the Turkish government and the Saudi royalty have already made a deal that neatly absolves any connection of the assassination of Jamal Khashoggi to Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman.

Rounding up the usual suspects, a tactic used by Captain Louis Renault, the French prefect of police, played by Claude Rains in the 1942 film Casablanca, is usually used in regard to scapegoats rather than the actual perpetrators of the crime in question. In the movie, Rick Blaine, played by Humphrey Bogart, is saved by Renault when he tells the police to “round up the usual suspects.” The film then ends with the famous exit line:

“Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship”

As fate would have it, of all the embassies in all the towns in the world, Khashoggi walks into the Saudi Embassy in Istanbul. But alas. It was not the start of a beautiful friendship. We all know what happened: The Turkish government said that fifteen men flew in from Saudi Arabia, including a forensic pathologist who played music while he sawed up Khashoggi. They all left with large valises, packed of course, with carefully wrapped body parts.

Who done it?

Well, in Western mystery novels, the culprit was usually the butler. However, in the Middle East, they don’t have butlers, but they do have camels. In this case; as related to President Trump by Secretary of State, Mike Pompeo, a dyspeptic camel by the name of Amul accidentally kicked Khashoggi in the head.

You know the rest of the story.......

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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