Marriages where one of the couples shits the bed, are more likely to end in divorce, says a study I made up off the top of my head today.
Divorce rates worldwide have soared over the last 20 years, but it's amongst the bedshitting community that splits have risen most.
It's easy to see why. Nobody wants to get into bed and fall asleep with someone who might, in the small hours, cover them in cack.
And anyone who thinks the guilty parties are always the men, should think again. Women also have to 'jettison waste', and are prolific sleepcrappers. It's thought - only by me, remember! - that as many as 85% of marriages that end in divorce caused by 'babbing in the bed', are attributable to females.
They're a filthy lot of brutes!
An expert on marriages that end early due to nocturnal incontinence, said:
"The mistake people often make is 'rushing things'. Engaged couples should take their time, live together for a while, get to know each other's habits, and find out if their lover shits the bed, before doing anything rash."